Dad The Joke Man

Matt Gaetz was most pumped for the AG nomination because in between A and G is A minor.

They've really done a number on Hydroxy chloroquine and Ivermectin, but I think the far left's opinion on the best medicine is a more significant factor in RFK getting his job.

Well we can't get Michael Buffer. We can't get Bruce Buffer. How about Buffering?

Leo DiCaprio turns 50 today and if you're his girlfriend, that's this many 👐👐👐👐👐

Narcan is the Uno Reverse card but it's for Dos.

Who gets misgendered more? Trans women that are good at sports or Cis men that are bad at them?

Butter is whipped cream that didn't give up.

A good spouse will help you up when you fall flat on your ass. A great one yells "5 second rule!".

Ever bought something from a vending machine just because it was directly over a dangling stuck item and even though you don't really want either selection you're still willing to gamble $1.75 on a chance of a 2 for 1?

The Paul brothers are Cleveland streamers.

Bluey is Bleu Nuit without the "NNNN" sound, yet still has a more satisfying finish.

One time I wished it was 11:12 and it came true damn near immediately.

A swear jar is the closest I'll ever come to Fuck You money.

Trump shouldn't be lying about folks eating pets in Springfield. He should be singing a super catchy song about turning them into a vest.

You can complain about tax dollars going toward feeding migrants. You can complain that the SPCA is overcrowded. You can't do both.

I want to publish a gentle parenting guide printed only on recycled wooden spoons.

My pronouns are him/his but that's neither her nor their.

C Pap? Is there another kind?

It's a shame the Minecraft movie didn't come out 15 years ago. Would have been perfect for Blockbuster.

All the times Oasis said they'd never reunite they should have said Maaaaybeeee.