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Why we emotionally eat
Every decision we make is always the thing we want most in that moment—every time. Now, I bet you're immediately trying to think of exceptions like, "I really want to drive 120mph." But let me ask, why don't you then? The answer is that a superior desire, namely, not to wreck your car or get a ticket, has risen above your desire to drive 120mph. Now, let's say your best friend was grievously injured and you were rushing them to the hospital to fight for their life. In that case, the desire to get them help would override the desire to not get a ticket, and you would happily break the speed limit. So you see, humans are wired to always choose the thing they want most in the moment. This means that when a moment of temptation arises, sheer willpower will only take you so far. You need to have a superior desire. You need to have a desire in you that is strong enough to resist the temptation of immediate pleasure for long-term pleasure. We can apply this to pretty much anything that requires delayed gratification, but let's apply this to food.
If I am constantly tempted to eat junk food, I might try to stop because I know it's bad for me. I might have full intellectual assent to the fact that I should care for my body and that if I don't, likely some terrible but preventable diseases are coming for me in old age; yet knowledge and fear only seem to take us so far. We need something more. We need a superior desire that rises up to help us make the right choice.
Okay, if you're tracking with me so far, you might be agreeing, but now you're wondering, where do I get this superior desire? How do I just want something else when in this moment what I want is this junk food? It's a great question, and I'm going to give you an answer, but be prepared to do some soul searching and serious reflection. The process might be pretty tough. It might trigger some unexpected emotions, but that's okay.
The superior desire comes from knowing your purpose and your mission in life. If you have a vision of the person you want to be—physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.—you can work backward from that and ask yourself if the habits you're employing today are serving you in working toward your positive vision of who you want to be. Here's a challenge for you: take time this week to write out your own obituary. What do you want to be known for? How do you want to be remembered? This is hard. It's okay if the room gets a little dusty and the paper gets a little wet. It's important to reflect and be sobered by the brevity of life so we will use our days wisely.
Once you've done that, now I want you to write a 20-year plan. Where do you want to be in 20 years? I suggest you consider family, faith, finances, and fitness. The key here is to write this in the present tense. Let me show you using myself as an example for fitness:
"It's 2045, I am 58 years old. Elyana is 32, Haddon is 30, and Gresham is 28. My youngest son has always wanted to be like me, and he is built like a tank. He got his height from his mother's side. He stands at 6'3" and weighs 280lb. I made the mistake of getting him into weight training and jiu-jitsu at just 5 years old, so he has 25 years of martial arts and strength training under his belt. He always said he would submit me in grappling when he was a teenager, and he got me when he was 16. It's been 14 years of that boy bragging that he can beat his old man, but of course I still bench more than he does because I need some kind of victory. All my kids are fit. My wife and I train together 3-4 days a week. I don't go super heavy anymore. I left the ego lifting behind a while ago. Now we train to keep up with our 7 grandkids who have an endless supply of energy and want nonstop piggyback rides. I'm thankful for the decade I spent running under 700lb yokes and carrying around 300lb farmers handles. It prepared me for this. I am certainly no spring chicken. My knees creak when I stand up and I'm slower than I used to be, but I'm in good shape. I stay active, eat well, and enjoy the pleasures of cigars and whiskey only occasionally. I've managed to keep the preventable diseases common to Americans at bay. I'm not immortal. My time is coming, but I'm thankful so far to be able to have dignity and independence as I approach the home stretch. I'm thankful I invested in my physical portfolio, not just my financial one. So many of my friends are rich on paper but are trapped, imprisoned in their own bodies because they never took care of themselves. I intend to train my body and beat old age back as long as I can. As old age overtakes me in the next 30 years, I want to be a blessing to my family, not a burden, which means it's time to stop writing and lace up my shoes for my daily three-mile walk."
You can do this for all areas of your life, but the power of this is now I have a positive vision for my future. I know who I want to be and I can work backward from that and ask myself if my indulgence now will lead to that end result. Don't get me wrong, willpower is still needed, and I still give in from time to time, but having a positive vision of who you want to be makes it easier to say no. If you don't have a positive vision for who you want to be, then all you ever want in the moment is to just feel good, and you will get dopamine from wherever you can, including food.
My challenge to you is to create a positive vision of who you want to be in the future. The food isn't the issue, it's your identity. If you can figure out who you are, why you're here, and create a positive vision of the person you want to be, you actually stand a chance of cultivating the superior desires needed to win in moments of temptation with things that don't align with your vision.
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