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@sinistercherubs @BradleyWhitford F’n brilliant!

I’M AN OUTDOORSMAN 🗳️🍻 @BradleyWhitford #VoteBlue figured since I voted early for FL today, I should throw together a little midterms josh lyman 💙

@stephenkunken @BradleyWhitford Clearly bffs. Only lovers or bestirs can butt heads with this kind of dedication.

My BFF @BradleyWhitford can’t even look me in the eyes. 8/10 Gilead Scientists surveyed agree that “lack of eye contact” is a sign of true love and reverence. We killed the other 2 scientists.

@MaryLTrump Exactly

How’s this headline: Branson, Musk, and Bezos who could tackle child hunger, climate change, racial injustice, health care, the rise of fascism etc and still be richer than 99.9999% of us choose to be narcissistic assholes and shoot their money into space. That about right?

@jonniker Thanks, Jonna!

Friends about to face a heatwave with no AC: yes, hydrate like mad, but put salt in your drinks. Just a little. You cannot be properly hydrated without it, and your body can’t use all that water without salt. 1/4 teaspoon for every 16 ounces should do the trick. I’m 100% serious.

@BradleyWhitford @HandmaidsOnHulu “Don’t be a dick, Joseph” had me rolling. Well done to you all. Your nuance is extraordinary and the show is better for having you aboard.

Hope you enjoyed ⁦@HandmaidsOnHulu⁩ Season 4. Season 5 is gonna be amazing….

thank god.

@jonniker oh my GOD, me too. WHAT in the HELL? I used to be able to down gin and tequila like they were part of major food groups. Now I have a beer or a drink and it's over before it even starts. 47 in July, thank you.

I thought of this because I was debating the merits of having a single glass of wine on the deck. Ultimately, I decided that I didn't want to ruin my entire evening AND tomorrow morning, because that's what ONE SERVING OF ALCOHOL DOES TO ME AT 45.

As I sit here placidly crocheting a border on a finished blanket, I remember a night out in my twenties involving scorpion bowls, loud karaoke, and being so drunk, we accidentally left one of my friends barfing in the bathroom of the now-defunct Shangri-La on Beacon Hill.

@laurashinn @reneewauthor @PoMoMagazine Yes!! The new art bums me out.

@jonniker I was just thinking about doing the same. Do they EAT them? It's ridiculous.

I also sucked it up and ordered two dozen forks. I really can't wait to see how long it is before twenty-four FORKS go missing in this house, along with the six (S I X) we have left.

@ChelseaClinton Oh! I did the same with my mom! #nosmo_king #whoisthismrking

Holding Beverly Cleary’s family and loved ones in my heart. Ramona brought me so much joy as a child and inspired me to ask my Grandma Ginger to quit smoking for my 8th birthday (she did!). Have loved sharing her books with my children. May her memory be a blessing.

@laurashinn @pattonoswalt He tickled my Ribsy with that one.

She’s with Beezus now.

@danjlevy Well, FUCK THEM TOO, THE HYPOCRITICAL SHITS. What an obtuse, egregiously offensive, and indeed shameful move on the part of the Catholic Church.

@AndrewRei15 @richardmarx Mind you, it was a couple of weeks before I saw him school a troll. It was epic. Now I’m THAT guy- “man, do you follow Richard Marx on Twitter?” and then I’m telling some dude in the produce aisle how fucking hilarious he is.

@AndrewRei15 @richardmarx He 100% had me at “Your dad wants to fuck your sister.” Best. Response. EVER.

Don’t have to look for you, Yolanda. You came to me. 😉

Hell YES. YES.

@HannahDrake628 You are 100% a Queen. And pardon me for saying so, but he needs to take his habitrails and go sit the hell down.

What a Queen.

@bobbyberk @racheltheklutz they are coming your wayyyyy!!!!

We’re back baby!!! #QueereyeAUSTIN

@BlueTsunami5 @SayersDionne @tnewtondunn @ShippersUnbound Trollers gonna troll...

President Biden has removed the Diet Coke button. When @ShippersUnbound and I interviewed Donald Trump in 2019, we became fascinated by what the little red button did. Eventually Trump pressed it, and a butler swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter. It's gone now.

@DrBiden We are so lucky to have you as our First Lady! You looked lovely today (although I wish I could have handed you a pair of Mirage Rothy's to wear- your feet had to have been killing you!) I'm so excited for the next 4 years. It feels like a dream to be able have hope again.

The day is finally here. I hope you’ll join me for a special live broadcast of the Inauguration made especially for students and families. Tune in now! pscp.tv/w/ctbrSjFheVFW…