shy

soraya, when you feel sad, FEEL it. it’s ok. validate your pain. don’t let your mind wander for too long. the good memories are stored away you can access them a lil later once you’re healed. for now compartmentalize them. write all your thoughts here. future me will be thankful.

we did our best with who we were at the time

he tried though. he cried in the beginning and in the end. i don’t know what that means. maybe he cared? even a little? i shouldn’t think about it too much. this hurts

idek why i’m so sad he talked about himself the entire time he didn’t ask me a single thing about myself i only was able to say stuff about myself when i forcefully brought myself up

he said he never lurked me. not once. not a single time. how could he not care enough to even wonder once what i’ve been up to. how could he be so careless it doesn’t make sense it makes no sense at all

so much pain so much sadness. i need to let go. it’s so hard. so so hard. desperately fighting the urge to text him. i just want to hold him and be held. i want to love and be loved

i saw him

i’m in my sad pathetic loser sad depressed ugly era

i’m doing that thing where i’m wondering what i could’ve done differently or if i really was the problem but no i have to remind myself of all that he did and even besides his craziness he has so many bad qualities that i don’t want in a partner. he brought out the worst in me

pain pain pain pain ouch ouch ouch ouch i am thankfully (for the most part) past the point of my heart physically hurting 24/7 but at random moments i can feel it clench. slowly getting better day by day i’m getting used to life without him again

things getting me through my breakup: -mia -journaling -my breakup playlist -self-care -my silly little tik tok videos ❤️‍🩹

at this point it’s safe to say he doesn’t care about me now nor did he probably ever. it hurts a lot and i won’t invalidate my pain but in time i’ll be ok. i have myself and i am a good person with lots of love. he however, is stuck with himself forever and that’s the worst karma

even though my brain thinks “what if they live happily ever after” in reality i know that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever and in time when his relationship hits a rough patch everything else will catch up to him (if it isn’t slowly already doing so)

he’s “happy” because he has a gf but he uses that as a distraction from everything else -doesn’t have a relationship with his family and has no friends -so broke to the point where he can barely make rent -lives in a gross apartment where he can’t even cook -general depression

i am definitely in the lowest point of my life but i have to learn how to be ok being alone. if i’m being honest i’ve never completely been alone and this will benefit me in the longrun. friends and lovers come and go but i’ll always have myself so i should start liking it

it’s better to see him with a new gf than alone. if he was alone n working on himself/getting a good job/nicer apartment etc then i’d be sad that someone would get a new-and-improved version of him but him immediately getting a new gf means he’s the same person who hasn’t changed

i loved him a lot and this hurts me so much. i know that because i loved him a lot that means one day i can love someone again but i loved HIM specifically i am so heartbroken