Peter More

New idea: OnlyFans, but for people who hate you and they pay to see your worst work and pics where you look terrible.

80% of Dutch trains have WiFi. And on 30% of those it works

That was a cute little parade the Americans had. I'm pretty sure they left more men and ordinance in Vietnam.

I just watched The Skull, which is about the haunted skull of the Marquis de Sade reeking havoc from beyond the grave. I so wanted this movie to be called 120 Minutes of Noggin

Looks like I saved myself a fortune by being indifferent to Oasis.

Not enough people are talking about spoingalblanking

Timeline 2064: Football finally comes home to find England has shacked up with Rollerball.

Cup-level Football: 11 young millionaires chasing a pig skin Eton: 11 young millionaires chasing a pig skin

Ruin a movie by mentioning the sequel...

@Ottojizzmark Roubles

Name something you might find in Nigel Farage's suitcase.

Of course he doesn't want them actually storming onto the beach and killing n*zis. He's got very few friends left as it is

This tweet is not gaslighting you

This yapp wants me to celebrate 15 years since I joined X. But I didn't join X, I joined Twitter and it disintegrated around me! #MyXAnniversary

I'm British and we seem to apologise for everything. Except the stuff we stole to put in our museums

I, personally, am looking forward to "Broom closet of the Antechamber of the Parliament of the Capital of the Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes"

There is already too much plot in this porno

Simon Cary is an English actor known for his roles as Westley in The Princess Bride (1987), Robin Hood in Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993), and Dr. Lawrence Gordon in the Saw film series. #RuleOfThree

I'm going to live tweet the day after I didn't give a shit about Eurovision

@fatboyfat Not sure I could have handled that

Throw back to the time I threw my back out throwing Bach back through the back window