Alan of the Shire 💙🤍 🇺🇦

@Reading106 Tbf on paper LR is the only one with L1 success on his cv, therefore easy to understand the decision to appointhim. Hard to see how he turns this round now though

The absolute state of our managers over the past 10 years. We have routinely got the appointment wrong. Pauno and Selles will have their fans, gomes for his togetherness, but overall that is an absolutely piss poor list. Leam Richardson Noel Hunt Rubén Sellés Paul Ince Veljko Paunović Mark Bowen José Gomes Paul Clement Jaap Stam #Readingfc

@ClarksonsFarm1 👏 👏

Come on, admit you smiled. 🤣

@mariana057 Did anyone actually use the recommended d£5SH_!€¿w69PL~¡#+st?

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 30 years but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

@WBardenwerper @ElliotKaufman6 @Knapsack Which is absolutely true. It's how humans tend to react when awful situations are behind their control. Trump is a cancer, an idiot that doesn't see that whatever he thinks he's doing is just securing more hate and more anger from Iranians for generations to come. Trump must go

@ElliotKaufman6 @Knapsack Not sure anyone should be joking about any of this. Real people are dying.

My wife: . . . you're still going to do the dishes tonight, right?

@GladYuengling There's too much peer pressure in society to drink, to say that you can't have fun or be fun without alcohol, which makes wanting to abstain so much harder. It's messed up. Well done for your strength!

I attended a party recently and was offered alcohol. I turned it down, explaining I hadn't had a drink in 3 months and wanted to keep it going. I even explained the benefits since quitting. I took a lot of grief from many at the party. People don't care about you. They just want to feel better about themselves. I thought about it. Only 4 people in my life wanted good things for me: my mother, who died in my arms when I was 25, and my 3 daughters. Most people are selfish. I hope you have real people in your life, and if you don't, know a random guy on X named Glad is cheering for you.

@BelfastBiscuit I'm convinced that before long they will either bin it or water it down massively. Until then the EFL will hopefully keep rejecting it 🤞

Thank fuck for that.

My amazing step-daughter and her team are running to Paris. You heard, from London to Paris on foot, in just 4 days - chip in if you can. Your donation will go towards two really important causes, Supporting Parkinson's UK and SSAFA. run2events.com/s/2602/3024/t

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@CarlBovisNature #1 it's an eye catching image!

Hi everyone 😊 Please can you help me?🙏 I can't decide which of these Robin & berries photos I should have as the December pic for my new 2027 Birds calendars. 🤔 1. Proud Robin 🐦 2. Robin drop 🐦 Which would you prefer to see in my calendar?🤔

Now there are so many comments I can’t keep up 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@DreyfusJames Hey James, here's my dog Shelby and his namesake

Account is restricted yet again. If you could drop a brief comment on my posts below, it apparently helps that algae-rhythm… Thanking you in advance.

Class

@MikeRic39191584 @HannahIamthest1 You clearly have a 'type'

@HannahIamthest1 I agree with most. However being a single heterosexual male for about 2 decades I have never seen a single woman without a cat.

Things I have learned from the movies" Having watched hundreds of movies, they have taught me many things that I would like to share with you today: 1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. 3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. 5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. 6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. 8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm. 11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them. 12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. 14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 15. All single women have a cat. 16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. 17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. 18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. 19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident. 20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. 21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back. 22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them. 24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. 26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday. 27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. 29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

@HannahIamthest1 If there's a dog in a movie, it runs around barking, just so you know it's a dog, because we're not all familiar with what they look like

It’s not often you see a vagina this grateful.

@princessmacd Thanks mate 😂😂

@Munro_888 😀😂

@SamaHoole I liked it, but not all the kids did. One day there was a bottle leftin the crate. Teacher refused to let us out for break until whoever didn't drink their milk fessed up. I took the blame, had an extra bottle of milk, and we got out to break. I was hero for a day!

In 1946 the British government introduced free school milk for every child in the country. One third of a pint, every school day, from the age of five to the age of fifteen. The milk was whole. Full-fat. From British dairy herds. It was delivered to the school gate in small glass bottles with foil caps and left on the doorstep in metal crates, where it sat in the sun until morning break if the weather was warm and developed a slightly suspect taste that an entire generation of British adults can still describe with uncomfortable precision. The generation that grew up on school milk was, by every anthropometric measure, the healthiest generation of British children ever recorded. Average height increased. Bone density improved. Dental health, despite the sugar in everything else, improved. Iron deficiency rates among school-age children dropped. The growth charts that the Ministry of Health had been keeping since the war showed a consistent, measurable, year-on-year improvement that tracked precisely onto the introduction of the milk programme. In 1971 Margaret Thatcher, then Education Secretary, cut free school milk for children over seven. The tabloids called her Thatcher the Milk Snatcher. She was vilified. She kept the policy. The next generation of British children, the ones who grew up without the daily third of a pint, were measurably less healthy than the one before. The growth charts show it. The dental records show it. The conscription medicals, while they lasted, showed it. The thing the milk had been providing, the calcium, the vitamin D, the vitamin A, the complete amino acid profile, the conjugated linoleic acid, the fat-soluble nutrients that a growing skeleton requires in order to reach its genetic potential, was no longer arriving at morning break in a glass bottle with a foil cap. It was replaced, eventually, by nothing. Or by a carton of fruit juice. Or by a packet of crisps from the vending machine that appeared in the school corridor in the 1990s. The generation that drank the milk is now in its seventies and eighties. They are, on average, taller, stronger-boned, and longer-lived than the generation that came after them. The milk was not magic. The milk was milk. It was the thing the body needed, delivered at the time the body needed it, at a cost the government considered acceptable until it didn't. The cost of not providing it has been rather higher.

@JamesBlunt Cough up to @JoeBangles11 on your favourite cheese and you'll be loved for ever

Sorry. I just want to be liked.

@mark_slapinski @Martina I think you're the triggered party here. You've insulted 51% of the population and one of my childhood heroes. Your tweets are pure clickbait. Time to block

BREAKING: I successfully TRIGGERED transphobic former Tennis star @Martina Navratilova. She used to be the best tennis player in the world. Now she's a pathetic internet troll.

@SpringUnmasked Thank you! 🙏

@Munro_888 it says: In Nürburgring, the golden rule is: If the car behind you is faster, you move to your right, turn your blinkers on and you let them pass/overtake! The M2 in front couldn't swallow their pride!

I can't translate this (anyone?) but I recognise Nurburgring, and rapido, and don't see anything like morte in there - hopefully the drivers came out OK