Mikey Mayes

Hi, old friend.

You think Jesus was ever just like "bruh"

Honestly, I'm ok with the world ending. White dudes were getting really good at basketball.

You've got red on you...

How old were you when you found out aliens spoke spanish?

Spiders are ugly and I hate them.

Awwwwww yeeeeeaaaa!! Gonna have em jumpin tonight

The smile says it all. Let me paint your clothes!

I'm nervous, uncomfortable, and tired. I'm in a good place.

You think human traffickers ever worry about rush hour?

Art is dumb and I hate it.

Maaaannnnnnn.... listen.

I fell in love with a girl from the Bronx. Ever since then my brain has felt like spaghetti. I regret nothing.

All I wanted today was a good day. Maybe some head. Maybe some ice cream, but now here we are 1:30 in the fucking morning No bj. No ice cream. and I just found out crocodiles hunt people. Sun can't shine every day I guess.

Nights like this make me wonder if wrestling grizzly bears is even as hard they make it out to be.

My secret favorite thing is actually my real favorite thing, but since it's a secret it doesn't count.

At some point you gotta stop and ask yourself "how much time am I really saving by being an asshole?" Plot twist: you're actually just wasting it.

You're capable of anything.

When I eat oatmeal I like to pretend its space food. It's way more enjoyable that way.

I don't put sugar in my tea anymore. The adult me is proud, but the black me is losing his shit.