
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE . . . In the wake of the recent Allbirds announcement (a struggling, near-bankrupt shoe company, turned overnight Artificial Intelligence juggernaut)….
I have MAJOR, lifechanging news!
As nearly zero of you know, I am 100% owner of Elk River Outdoors, LLC. . . a high-end, white glove service dedicated to booking bucket-list hunting and fishing trips for busy outdoor enthusiasts.
In the 3 years of our existence, we have:
🔻 $0 revenues
🔻 No customers
🔻 No strategic business plan.
But we do have:
✅ A cool name
✅ A logo
✅ An Instagram page (no lie)
✅ Some sweet looking logo trucker hats.
So, I'm following the Allbirds playbook.
Since their stroke of pure genius ("pivoting" to rebrand as an AI company resulted in a 580% valuation spike in 72 hours) I’ve decided it’s time to apply that same visionary logic to my own business portfolio.
As of this morning, I am thrilled to announce that Elk River Outdoors is dead, and we have officially pivoted to become Elk River AI.
What is Elk River AI you ask???
We are a Multi-Modal, Hyper-Heuristic, Generative LLM-Driven Wilderness Ecosystem, leveraging a proprietary, decentralized neural-mesh architecture, to disrupt the traditional outdoor experience into synergistic, high-fidelity outdoor immersion.
Do we have any AI knowledge? Not really
Do we have any backlog of prospective customers? No
But I just ordered some cool custom pens.
I am officially open buyout offers in the $250M range. DM me if interested.
Check us out at elkriver.ai

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