Very Kerri
7.6K posts
Very Kerri
@muyKERRI
A coworker told me I’m snippy and she’s scared of me. I’ve never felt more powerful.
35-year Texan turned Floridian Katılım Nisan 2009
403 Takip Edilen152 Takipçiler
Saying the same thing I say every year on Welcome to Rockville Day 2: DANG I AM ALREADY EXHAUSTED!
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When your Sky Guide app notifies you the ISS is visible and y’all run outside to see it, shout “nerds”, and high five… you know you found the right one.
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There’s a bird eating from my bird feeder. Like a bird bird. With feathers and wings. Not one of those furry birds with a long tail who eats all my bird food in a single day. At last a motherfreaking bird. Bird.
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Tried to catch a snake in my bedroom and it slithered to the wall and under the carpet so Florida house for sale effective immediately.
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Probably a sandwich, Capri Sun, maybe some number 2 pencils, and fruit roll ups
greg swindell@GregSwindell
Can someone answer this. I see videos of big leaguers walking in the tunnel from the bus arriving at the park. 95% have on backpacks. WTF could be in the backpacks?
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@longhorndave Coke. Then I’ll politely wait for my host to ask “What kind?”
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You arrive at a party that doesn't have alcohol. What do you ask for if you want a sugary, carbonated drink in a can?
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Astros fan standing in Publix trying to figure out what I intended to put on my grocery list that my autocorrect changed to “Correa”…
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Early morning beach walk to watch the launch of Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket. Clouds said “Not gonna happen, but nature is better anyway.”
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So I stopped and counted and it's 24 of you.
Ste Collins@Ste_Collins
Have you ever met someone off Twitter in person?
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You know what’s even more annoying than the Astros inability to win a game? @MLBTV’s inability to keep the volume of a @SpaceCityHN game remotely consistent for more than two minutes.
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Very Kerri retweetledi
If you had a drink for every Astros injury so far this season you would also be on the IL with alcohol poisoning
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@longhorndave I like to call it the circle of commerce. I can’t do it so I gotta pay someone else to do it. And hopefully in some roundabout way they are supporting my place of business. It’s like the circle of life, but without death or Elton John.
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Home ownership in a sentence:
Constantly having to pay people to fix shit that breaks and mow your grass.
(No, I'm not a good handyman)
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This is exactly how I feel when my plane lands but I’m waiting for the MF jet bridge.
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RC, Dr Pepper, and many others still in line before P
Danny Polishchuk@Dannyjokes
I ask for Coke and they tell me they don’t have any
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