hildred the feeble

Dog in the bakery being held up to look at the pastries and everyone laughs. Well I’m not laughing

I'm in on and off relationship with everything

You can just tell when someones never had a job that made them mop

and now i have a giant print in a handmade frame of myself tied up that idk what to do with

i understand him thats just what the boredom of working retail will do to u i let a guy i met while i was at the register tie me up and hang me from the ceiling of his living room to take film photos for a gallery show bc i was bored enough to say yeah sure

no spoilers but the on cinema live tour is way more high-concept than i anticipated. i screamed like i was watching one direction perform

kid asked me why one of my eyes is purple i told him its to match my uniform

Dont ever pursue me romantically Lets just chill

I like to stay in... wear something chopped. And pull

7 year old asking what "assault" meant from reading it on one of those subway signs has now led to him and his brother inventing a wrestling game they are calling "assault paradise" Which i am going to leave for their parents to deal with

damn i just realized 9-to-5 means 9 days a day 5 weeks a day a week 9 to days a 5 week a hours 9 days

dying in a freak build a bear accident

@bedtimepilled omg i have dad cat

Okay @nelljuly

Joyce Carol Oates' security slapped the shit out of my little nephew

Today I'm really gonna get to it. #Life

at the age where overhearing conversations between children makes my heart warm

Uhh can I get [squints at the box of a 40,000 hit disposable vape that is “Secrets of the Desert” flavored] that one?

Uber driver told me about his romantic woes, said I was the first person he has confided in…explained that his ethiopian girlfriend is possessed by a jinn that makes her lash out at him

my catchphrase is hi

egg and cheese sandwich. i love you.