Bryan Johnson@bryan_johnson
How to make love this Valentines ❤️
There are a few generations that were never taught how to make love. The kind that deepens pair bonds and strengthens the relationship.
Because intimacy is still taboo, porn unfortunately became the teacher. Leaving people without learning and mastering the needed love making skills to create vibrancy.
Here are 11 things to keep in mind when fostering intimacy with women.
0. Timing: slow and gentle is the way.
Men are ready to go within 2-5 minutes.
Women require 18-20 minutes.
Start before the 18 min mark and your partner may experience pain. Women need that time to tent, when the uterus is lifting up and back. Without this, the vaginal canal is 3-4 cm shorter which leads to cervical collision/pain.
1. Touch: use slow, purposeful touch.
The brain classifies the speed of touch, interpreting movements between 1 and 10 centimeters per second as signals of emotion and connection, with an optimal resonance around 3 cm/s.
When touch moves too quickly, the brain registers sensation but not intimacy. When it is slow and deliberate, it is encoded as closeness, safety, and desire, initiating the cascade of biological processes that prepare the body for sexual connection.
2. Vagina wetness: it's going well, but not yet.
Vagina wetness does not mean that she’s ready. It means that blood plasma is filtering through the vagina walls due to the vasocongestion. This happens before tenting, when the uterus is lifting up and back and extending the vaginal canal by 3-4 cm. Wetness means that sex-related processes have started but insertion at this stage is too early and will be painful for her.
3. Nipples: for gentle foreplay.
Areola and nipple play is helpful in foreplay as the same nerves are also wired to the clitoris. So by gently stimulating the nipples, you’re also remotely activating the clitoris, commencing the engorgement process. Some women may enjoy increased tension play but many don’t. Best to start gently and be guided by her preferences.
4. Safety: feeling safety is a prerequisite.
The brain wants to classify the environment as safe before the body prioritizes sexual arousal. Stress, evaluation, self-consciousness, or performance pressure activate inhibitory pathways that suppress genital blood flow, even if desire is present. The same autonomic system that enables arousal (parasympathetic) is shut down by perceived threat or pressure.
5. Lubrication: plan ahead and have it on hand.
A substantial proportion of women prefer or require added lubricant for comfort, even when aroused. Natural lubrication varies widely based on hormones, hydration, stress, medications, cycle phase, and age. Needing lubrication does not mean a lack of attraction, it can be normal physiology. Adequate lubrication reduces friction, micro-tears, inflammation, and pain, all of which directly affect comfort.
6. Rhythm over technique: a smooth, soothing vibe.
Consistency and predictability allow the nervous system to remain in an embodied, parasympathetic state. Sudden changes in speed or pressure increase cognitive monitoring and sensory vigilance, which can interrupt arousal. Research on sexual excitation–inhibition shows that stable stimulation supports sustained genital response, while erratic input shifts attention back to evaluation. Rhythm builds trust; novelty is best layered onto safety, not used to replace it.
7. Breath: to set the tone and pace
Slow, deep breathing activates vagal pathways that down-regulate sympathetic stress and facilitate genital vasocongestion. Studies show that respiratory slowing increases parasympathetic tone, which is essential for female arousal. When her breath deepens, it often reflects internal relaxation, which is necessary for increased pelvic blood flow. Matching breathing rhythm can nonverbally reinforce safety and connection.
8. Climax: multiple ways there.
Penetration-only orgasms do occur, but they are not the norm. Population estimates: 15-25% of women are able to orgasm through penetration alone. 70-85% of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation (direct or indirect).
This includes manual, oral, vibratory, or positional stimulation and is the dominant pathway for female orgasm across cultures and age groups. 5-10% of women orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Functional MRI studies show nipple stimulation activates genital sensory cortex in many women.
9. Presence: try to lose yourself in the experience.
Performance focus activates self-monitoring and evaluative circuits, pulling attention out of sensation and into cognition. Sexual arousal is strongest when attention remains interoceptive rather than outcome-driven. Research on spectatoring shows that monitoring “how am I doing” reliably suppresses arousal, especially in women. Responsiveness keeps the body engaged; choreography pulls it offline.
10. Pain: listen to it as feedback for what to modify.
Pain during intimacy most commonly reflects insufficient arousal, muscle guarding, or pacing mismatch, not lack of desire. Clinical research in dyspareunia and vulvovaginal pain shows strong links to autonomic imbalance and pelvic floor tension. Treating pain as feedback improves communication, supports safety and long-term desire.
