Nick Calder

Each year, I make one mistake when carving pumpkins for Halloween. This year, when slaughtering the rats to make the stuffing, I prepared WAY too many.

@jerryleewilson Jesus, Jerry. I’m so very sorry.

Now that I think about it, I’m a little surprised that Bigfoot or Grave Digger didn’t speak at the RNC…

@Scottish_Vixen Not to make light, my friend, but I first read that as “thrashy” and I thought that sounded pretty cool! Like a rad metal chick, devil horns thrown up and everything!

Sorry, Voyager 1. It’s a little late to be calling back now. We’ve moved on.

@pirie 60K. OUT THE DOOR.

It’s always entertaining to find out how much people think the CEO of a company doing over $400M top line, ~$50M in profit, employing over 2000 people, and managing well over $5B in assets should be paid.

Finally, I can go back to staring directly at the sun without consequence!

Path of Totality sounds like it would’ve been the 3rd best song on Metallica’s Ride The Lightning.

@cr8tiveCandy I love this, Charlene.

@TrishaReyE They’ll be able to shuffle a whole extra section then!

@nickcalder 15 minutes this year, friend!

And just wait until halftime when it’s revealed that they mistakenly booked AN usher instead of Usher. Everybody will just be shown to different seats for 12 minutes or so. It’ll be fine.

@brightwhite Hahha! I’d love to see David Usher stroll out - all sheepish because he knows full well he misled everyone.

I think it was in poor taste that Reba just shamelessly sang the intro song to her sitcom instead of the national anthem.

@davidfrum Ugh, the tragic state of the world right now. I strongly agree on Ukraine, but vehemently disagree on Israel.

These scenes of horror can be stopped by the United States. Arm and fund Ukraine and Israel.

I resist Spirited’s ascension to the Christmas movie re-watch Pantheon with my dying breath.

@GrnEyedGirl1970 I think they’re lovey!!

America and Ranch Dressing. You can talk about freedom, capitalism, apple pie, and anything else you want, but your national obsession with Ranch is what archeologists and even geologists of the future will find, and it’s what you will have to account for at St. Peter’s gate.

I’ve been on a real owl painting kick lately.

@jerryleewilson 84. The magic number was 84 and you just couldn’t do that for me. FOR ME, Jerry!! You couldn’t even do that for me!!!!!!

@jerryleewilson My usage of this has dribbled down to almost nothing. Like hell I’m paying for that.