Nick Williams

@two_smitty Would work well with that Ovechkin mirror visor circa 08 though.

Honestly, watching 7ft tall dudes playing ball in full hazmat gear would be one of the very few reasons I’d drop some cash to watch a game.

Drake hasn’t caught that much entitled teen angst since roaming the halls of Degrassi High.

I thought I wanted to dance like Usher. But then @BenSPLATT came along.

Hey @Twins! You have a local MN women’s ice hockey star in your midst turning 27 today at the ballgame! Show Ellie Williams some love? 🎂 ⚾️

I’m going to quit all my professional endeavors and place my entire future on the creation of one idea: a lap-sized emotional support elephant.

Today I watched a homeless man toss a coin into a water fountain. Today I remembered the value of hope.

Elevator ride full of mid-aged women = 4.5 hours in Dolce & Gabana perfume manufacturing plant

I’m just playing music here... at a brew house... for a speed dating event, and given my lack of good touch in this area, I’m finally fully understanding Imposter Syndrome.

To the NBC backstage employee trying to bleep out all the f-bombs being shouted around the raised Stanley Cup... I feel for ya dude.

Sorta wonder how many Johns and Janes there are at the Doe Family Reunion.

@Taradactylll Sappy sweet genius is what it was

@jessycanaegele Hiiii! It’s a pleasure to tweet you! 🤝

There are disfunctional relationships, and then there’s my dad and automated telephone answering systems.

@Taradactylll On the flip side, there’s a helluva lot of confident trust going on for that crab.

I could literally watch airport reunions all day long.

In the past 24 hours, I’ve heard both tornado and flood sirens. Both incredibly mind-numbing at excessive durations. Dear @cityoftulsagov please consider this my official application for composing the Tulsa Zoo Escape and/or Alien Invasion Siren.

Just due to their visual appeal and the amount of skill required, Tarasenko goals should count for 2.

Attention recent med school grads: Several round-the-clock resident gastroenterologist positions have opened up.

Has anyone done the calculations as to how far the average human would get into Lil Jon’s “Shots” if they actually took took one each time he said it?