Nicklas Bendtner

Have been crying for Andy Murray.

Det var en speciel serie af tweets for alle mine danske tilhængere derude. Kør forsigtigt. Aben er i træet.

Jeg var meget trist at se Jedward forlade X Factor i aftes. Jeg håber, de får et program på citv snart. Bedre end dem twats Ant & Dec.

Min yndlingssang er Sex On Fire af Kings Of Leon.

Adebayore er en fucking knobhead, og jeg håber, at han fangster kønssygdomme fra hans harem.

Tænkte at anmode om overførsel til Tottenham, som jeg er meget høje, vil de skulle hente mig først, før Defoe.

At være eller ikke være, det er spørgsmålet. Uanset om det er ædlere i sindet at gnide moderkagen på din lyske, eller lider kirurgi.

En dag jeg agter at abe havkat kål cupcake.

Bare for at bevise jeg er den virkelige Bendtner, her er en kvidre på dansk.

Jermaine Defoe may have scored five goals in one game but he is only 5 feet 5 tall. I am over 6 feet tall.

Snow Patrol and Cheryl Cole on BBC1 just made me cry.

Placenta was nice on toast, by the way.

Of course I am the real Nicklas Bendtner; why would anyone pretend to be me? Beyond the obvious of me being handsome, tall, rich, talented.

Arsene says I am the greatest Danish player at Arsenal. It is true. I am.

Think I saw a snake in my garden. Meerkats can catch snakes, yes? Might buy some meerkats.

Vermaelen is on his way over to see the state Fabregas is in over CoD MW2. Might invite Sagna too so we can cook placenta from Robin.

@PBphilbrown I can crash an Aston Martin, so what?

Fabregas is crying because I kicked his arse at COD MW2. Where's my iPhone to film him and Youtube it? Punch the wall, Cesc! Punch it!

Am about to go play CoD MW2 with Fabregas. He is shit at computer games; spends all his time on Photoshop.

Placenta arrived from Robin this afternoon via courier. Quite excited. Sagna is going to email Nigel Slater for a recipe; he met him once.