Nobrainer Lad

Let's talk about where charity money actually goes. The CEO of American Red Cross made $700k last year. That paid for a new BMW for the wife and a fresh set of silicone for her birthday. The actual hurricane victims got a tarp and a granola bar. The CEO of Susan G Komen flies private to attend pink ribbon galas. The breast cancer research got 19 cents on the dollar. The other 81 cents went to her assistant's wedding in Tuscany. This is what your charity coin donation funds. Boob jobs. Yachts. Tuscan weddings. A tarp. abcdefg has no CEO. The dev is chinese john cena. He is paid in ice cream. His wife does not exist. Her tits are not in this equation. Every dollar of value goes directly to the alphabet. Bing chilling.

"This is the OG"

ok so i think my barber knows. i think my BARBER knows about abcdefg. not because i told him. i would NEVER tell my barber. the barber chair is sacred. the barber chair is the one place where men don't talk about crypto. you talk about sports. the weather. women. you don't talk about the alphabet. that's a rule. an unwritten rule. written in LETTERS but we're not going there right now. but today. TODAY. my barber. his name is tony. tony is cutting my hair. and he says "so what's new." and i say "nothing." nothing. the second most dishonest word after good. nothing is new. nothing except i spent 4 hours last night making a video of an invisible man selling ice cream in a fake infomercial. but tony doesn't need to know this. tony needs to cut my hair and tell me about his weekend. and tony says "you seem tired." i AM tired tony. i'm tired because i was up until 4am writing a 600 word essay about why the alphabet is the most undervalued technology in human history. i was PEER REVIEWING my own shitpost. at 4am. i read it out loud to the cat. the cat left the room. the cat has editorial standards and i did not meet them. even the CAT thought it was too much. and the cat's content strategy is walking on a keyboard. then the moment. THE moment. tony is trimming the back of my neck and he says. casually. like it's nothing. "my kid is learning the alphabet in school." tony's KID. is learning. the ALPHABET. in SCHOOL. my hands gripped the armrests. under the cape. tony couldn't see. but i GRIPPED. because tony's kid is being ONBOARDED. right now. in real time. by a teacher. the original dev team. the education system is the largest onboarding operation in human history and it's running 24/7 in every country and it's teaching abcdefg and it has been for CENTURIES and it's FREE. free onboarding. to our product. globally. funded by TAXES. the government is paying for abcdefg adoption. with taxpayer money. MY tax money is funding abcdefg onboarding. i am ALREADY invested in the alphabet at the government level. before i even bought the coin. i was paying for alphabet infrastructure through TAXES. i've been a forced abcdefg investor since i got my first paycheck. "that's great tony. how's he doing with it." "he knows up to M." up to M. tony's kid knows A through M. that's 13 letters. HALF the alphabet. tony's kid is 50% onboarded. in a few weeks tony's kid will know all 26. full onboarding complete. another user acquired. cost of acquisition: zero. retention rate: LIFETIME. tony's kid will never unlearn the alphabet. you can't uninstall the alphabet. there is no delete button. once you know A B C D E F G it's in your brain FOREVER. the alphabet is the only technology with a 100% lifetime retention rate. not even heroin has that. you can quit heroin. you cannot quit the alphabet. tony finishes the cut. he shows me the back with the mirror. it looks good. i pay tony. i tip tony. i tip tony well because tony just gave me the most bullish alpha i've received in months without knowing it. tony's kid is learning the alphabet. the next generation is being onboarded. the pipeline is ACTIVE. the funnel is CONVERTING. kindergarten is the top of the funnel. graduation is the bottom. 13 years of onboarding. 13 YEARS. no crypto project has a 13 year onboarding pipeline. the education system does. and the education system is onboarding people to OUR product. i get in the car. i sit there. in the parking lot. again. always the parking lot. i'm becoming a parking lot person. a person who has revelations in parking lots. every major discovery in my life has happened in a parking lot. newton had the apple tree. i have the honda civic in a strip mall parking lot next to a supercuts. i text my girlfriend. "tony's kid is learning the alphabet." she replies "ok." one word. two letters. the most devastating response in the english language. "ok" is the girlfriend equivalent of a red candle. short. brutal. no follow up. she doesn't understand. she'll never understand. tony understands. tony doesn't know he understands. but tony's kid. tony's kid is going to understand. in about 3 weeks. when he gets to Z. and the onboarding is complete. and another human being joins the 4 billion people who use abcdefg technology daily. welcome aboard tony's kid. A through M is just the beginning. the real alpha starts at N. bing chilling