H A L L I E

Once upon a time there was this chick, Who had a massive metaphoric dick, Was full of bad luck, And crazy as fuck, But could always make you smile 🙂

I hate Facebook. But I keep it on my phone because all the girls who were mean to me in high school now have really ugly kids and seeing that makes me happy.

Now that I’m a healthcare professional, I expect my nudes to be whacked off to with washed hands 🙌🏼

Combating misogyny by never shaving my pubes again. Welcome back to the Wild West boys.

All the experiences I’ve had; the wild, the traumatic, the blissful, the heartbreaking and heartwarming.. have molded me into this person I am today. I’m truly grateful to have experienced them all. I genuinely admire the human being I’ve become ❤️‍🩹

“How was your first day at work?!” -I dropped the rig keys down that tiny slit in the elevator shaft at the hospital 🫠

I recently used a water stone to evolve my gardening skills and just bought my first aquarium 🥳

Life update: still saving lives.. just using a different medium now.

If I had a death note, I would write my name on every page

I spend a lot of time thinking about how much I don’t like people Hahahah

If you’re gonna be posting a close up of your ass cheeks covered in a “I obviously do not have good hygiene” amount of snow-capped peaks.. it’s not gonna work that well as a thirst trap..

The more privileged you are, the less impressive your feats become. How is it an achievement if you never earned it?

@Wtfportland1 Gotta love seeing your ex end up on wtfportland getting his ass beat

Fight in downtown #portand

writing>speaking

“We don’t have to watch Blade if you don’t want babe.. there’s always Blade 2.”

if drunk texting was an Olympic sport.. 🥇

Carne a sad dude ☹️

Today I taught a grown man how to cut a head of broccoli

Dick isn’t worth crying over