riles

I got them moves like jaguar - maroon 5 circa 2011, according to emily

can not adequately describe the degree to which I was just outsmarted by a server at the macho bar

@IonPointer I’ll let u know in approximately 20 hours🫡

imgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneIMGONNASLEEPONTHEPLANEimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplaneimgonnasleepontheplane

@notmyssn kevin vs modern art

@lauren_miller08 hoping they go on a national treasure-esque quest to acquire it

@notriledup this is incredible

my team forgot I was in the chat and started discussing potential birthday gifts, they know me so well!

2025 has been a crazy year for people with unrestricted internet access in the 2010s

happy one year with this weirdo

@haebonk how many hip thrusts on stage can one man do

riley is somehow shocked by how sex loaded this concert is when i've been calling it a slut show for WEEKS

@haebonk **

the venn diagram of kai fans and lady gaga fans

poor msg workers trying to tell the difference between lady gaga gay people and kpop gay people

@IonPointer @notmyssn he said aubergine instead of eggplant !!

hat4hat lesbian

@notmyssn exposing me while I’m showing my phone TO HER

can’t say that yellowjackets making the hat-obsessed lesbian the crazy murderer of the season is particularly great for my personal brand

@notmyssn are you just live tweeting this phone call

jk found another good one

and thus concludes my drafts tweeting for the night thanks for tuning in

fighting demons* *sending the song about comphet to my ex best friend from high school who I was basically dating who now says she loves but doesn’t support the queer community

emily is looking through my old finsta and commenting on everything should I kill myself