The Priest

I just wanna be a handsome boy with a mysterious source of income. is that so much to ask?

WTF y'all been smoking nowadays

Hi 😍

36 and counting 💃💃💃

Baldwin is Aura

B-co Multivitamin Amoxicillin Paracetamol

Charley lamine Yamal o. I even want to marry him 🥰😍

@Thazhigilla_ I'm learning how to write from you.

Many people might not believe this but... In 2023, I was packed into a police Danfo during a random raid in Jos, Plateau state. I was trekking for an all night session in school. They drove us to the station, seized our phones, and told everyone to sit on the bare floor behind the counter. The IPO in his faded uniform brought out rumpled sheets of paper and shouted ''Criminals remove your shoes make una write una statement for here'' I tried to look at the guys beside me who were sweating and writing things like "I am just walking and police catch me abeg I am a student." Another guy with a torn shirt was writing, "I swear to God I am not a cultist, I only went to buy indomie and egg, my mother is a widow." One particular guy was literally dropping tears on his paper, writing, "I don't smoke loud, I have CHM 101 test tomorrow morning, please have mercy in Jesus name." I knew my family did not have 50k for any emergency bail. So I sat on that cold floor, balanced the paper on my knee, and activated the ''Femi Falana'' in me (small HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MUDER was giving me confidence). I did not write a plea o. I wrote a chronological, legally terrifying timeline of my abduction. I used phrases like "unlawful detainment," "absence of probable cause," and "infringement of fundamental liberties." I made sure my handwriting was looking like a typed font🤲🏾 Thirty minutes later, the DPO walked in to inspect the night's harvest. He was biting the edge of a pure water sachet when he started reading the statements one by one, tossing them aside. Then he picked up my paper. He read the first paragraph, stopped, and looked at the crowd on the floor. He read it again. I was already preparing my mind for Cell One, the one with Mosquitoes that trained in Afghanistan. I was entirely convinced my grammar had angered him. The DPO looked at the IPO and said, "Who write this thing?" The IPO pointed at me. The DPO told me to stand up and follow him to his office. At that point, I wished I wrote my statement in Hausa😭 I entered the room, sweating like cold water. He sat down, dropped the paper on his desk, and said, "So, you sabi write English like this and you dey waka late night?" He opened his drawer and brought out a massive stack of dirty files. He complained that the station's secretary had been sick for three days and they had a massive backlog of official reports to send to the Area Commander. I did not enter the cell that night. I sat in a perfectly air-conditioned office from 11 PM to 4 AM, actively ghostwriting police reports, restructuring suspect confessions, and formatting legal petitions for the Nigerian Police Force. By 5 AM, the DPO gave me 15k cash for a job well done, bought me a plate of white rice, and ordered the patrol van to drive me safely to my hostel with full escorts. If you are currently smiling at this beautiful grass-to-grace story, I want you to know that you just read several heavy paragraphs of pure, undiluted fiction. I have never been arrested in my life. I am currently on my bed eating bread and egg. But like the original tweet said, proper articulation solves 75% of your problems. The remaining 25% is knowing how to lie fluently to farm engagement on this app. Happy Sunday.

Brazil, I'll rate Ghana higher.

@Thazhigilla_ I like this writing, the plot twist 🔥

In 2006, about two weeks before WAEC, this boy who was an apex playboy of SS3C brutally broke the heart of the school's most beautiful girl. She caught him writing a heavily romantic letter to a junior student. She did not cry or fight but that evening, she sent for him. Behind their biology laboratory, she removed her brown sandals and placed them gently on the ground. Stepped barefoot like she was entering an agreement the soil needed to witness. Then she spoke with tears in her eyes: "Ose, because you have torn my heart to pieces, I decree that you will never know peace at night! You will spend the rest of your life waking up at ungodly hours to cut human flesh! Your hands will be permanently stained with blood, and your entire existence will be surrounded by uncontrollable crying and torn bodies!" She wore her sandals and left. The boy laughed at first. Those kind of laughter people used to protect themselves from fear. But that night, sleep did not come easily. And the night after that. And somehow… not even after that. Years passed, his nights became occupied. His hands were always working. Twenty years into the future, he would be violently forced awake at three in the morning with human blood literally soaking his hands, staring directly at sliced open flesh, listening to the agonizing, uncontrollable crying of humans in pure physical distress. Everybody who remembered the curse thought his destiny had been permanently hijacked. They assumed he had mutated into an underground ritualist or a notorious butcher, destined to die miserably while cutting flesh. But villains rarely get the ending we pray for. He is 35 years old and the curse worked with 100% absolute precision because he spends his nights waking up at 3 AM to perform emergency C-sections. His surgical gloves are constantly covered in blood and his entire existence revolves around cutting human flesh, the uncontrollable crying of newborn babies, and repairing torn perineums. And today, when Dr. Ose returns from the labor ward and washes the blood off his hands, he enters a very expensive, silk-sheeted bed right next to the exact same woman who cursed him. #Fiction: Inspired by Dr. Ose's Growth Written by Thazhigilla🤍

Day 7: woke up wired. Urges hit at 10am—like a punch. Didn't touch. Went for a walk instead. Head clearer now. If you're day 1-3, message me I'll tell you what kept me going. We're in this.

Only in Nigerian movies

@Bqmbulu Yes, I want to. What do you want?

She goes: "You just want to get into my pants" Reply her below

I need 15million rts to win Kwadwo Sheldon’s car Twitter pls do it for me ❤️🙏🏻

@1Hytchez @Opresii 😂😂how do you measure 18.8 karat. Or you mean 18 karat? 18 karat is not even low bro. And the few tabs I've seen from him are 24 karat(pure gold)

@Opresii Hey forget them low karat gold 😏 like 18.87 karat

How much is 2grams of gold worth?

Black Sherif video-called his friend and played the full track of his new song "POPSTAR" which will be released this Friday.🔥🐐

Blacko dey come drop another banger!😂

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Day 7, no soapy, no p*rn. 1 week clean let's go!!

Day 6, no soapy, no p*rn. I don dieee

We go live at 3pm today for the gold tablets giveaways...Tune in