The Fairy Godfather

If you can love a dickhead, then you can love yourself. The end. #selflove

@LordFootyTips An extra £1K a month thanks to @LordFootyTips. Forget the rest and join the best.

😍 THREE HUGE WINNERS!!! 17.00 ✅ 17.00 ✅ 17.00 ✅ We landed THREE separate 16/1 horses today in my horse group 🥳🥳🥳 ONLY £3.00 EW staked on every bet in the group returned £175.20 profit today & £1,353.60 profit in October so far 🤩 SIGN UP 👇 sublaunch.co/ewtips

@LordFootyTips @carlsberg don't make tipsters, but if they did...

😍 WHAT A WEEEK!!!! Members have enjoyed another OUTSTANDING week in my horse racing service ‘EW Tips” ✍️ 240 bets placed 📈 30.29% ROI 💰 72.7u profit Staking ONLY £2.50 EW on every bet this week has returned members £363.50 PROFIT 🤩 Read replies for a FREE TRIAL👇

@LordFootyTips Winning 🙌🙌

😍 £7,041 PROFIT !!! If you’d staked ONLY £5 EW on every bet in my horse racing service since launch on the 1st August you’d have made over £7k PROFIT 🤯 ✍️ 2,305 bets placed 📈 30.58% 💰 704.1u profit Over 700u PROFIT in just over 2 MONTHS. Sublaunch.co/ewtips

@LordFootyTips Praise the Lord 🙌

😍 BIG GIVEAWAY!!! We have now placed 2,000 bets in my horse group ‘EW Tips’… 🐎 ✍️ 2,000 bets placed 📈 29.20% ROI 💰 583.3u profit If you’d staked £5 EW on every bet you’d have returned £5,833 PROFIT 😳 I’ll give a YEARLY membership to 3 people who LIKE ❤️ this tweet!

@YorkshireTea Someone obviously made the correct decision at the right time.

*Calls police* (Image pixellated to protect sqeamish viewers)

@LordFootyTips The Lord giveth 👌

😍 WHAT A MONTH!!! My horse group “EW Tips” stats for August: ✍️ 1,241 bets placed 📈 26.28% ROI 💰 325.8u profit (stake 1u per bet) Staking only £2 Each Way on every bet this month has returned £1,303.20 profit 👏 1x Yearly Membership to someone who LIKES this tweet ❤️

@LordFootyTips BOOOOOM!!!

NOOR BANO 😍😍😍 This was tipped to my horse group members at 33/1 😳 We have now returned over 220 units profit in the first 11 days of the month… staking only 1u per bet 🤯 Sign up for the new horse group 👉 Sublaunch.co/ewtips

@SarahBeacham86 🤣🤣🤣

Imagine seeing a fit bloke with a well kept beard and he has a Northern accent 😫😫😫

I created a new trig point at Loughrigg fell, after the OG one had collapsed. #DIY #loughrigg #hiking #lakedistrict #nationalpark

Dear people who make underwear, please understand we don't need huge labels that are double stiched and itch like a futher mucker. Regards, everybody

You have to fuck one, k*** one, marry one, and block one.... Go! 1. Piers Morgan 2. Adam Levine 3. Man holding fish in profile photo 4. Kanye West

I dont mind doing a bit of DIY before I eat out.

There are currently 6 planets in retrograde—and they have absolutely sweet fuck all to do with your life, or any of the bullshit that's going on in it.

Why isn't there a "I can see you calling, but I don't want to answer—although I do want to continue using my phone, without you knowing that I know you're trying to call me" button on phones?

Have dating apps made dating easier?

What do you wish men knew and/or understood more about?

Maroon flag, Auburn flag, Magenta flag, Fuchsia flag, Mahogany flag, Scarlet flag, Claret flag, Cerise flag and Oxblood flag— are all still red flags! So don't give me any bullshit with your different colour flags—like you're some genius who's found a loophole, okay?

Has he fallen in love with you fast—or is he "love bombing" because he needs somewhere to live to save money? #hobosexual

Dear women, If you're walking your dog, and you think I'm staring at you, please don't feel threatened—I'm just wanting to stroke your dog, not play with your pussy.

If you're a fuckboy and you've just found out where the clitoris is— CONGRATULATIONS! 🎉 Now you need to level up and find the G-spot! I mean, if you're going to lie to women to obtain sex, then you should at least make it worth their while!