old jumpers

if you like doing nice things for others you’ll subscribe to my substack: byroncrush.substack.com thank you

Getting trigger happy putting poetry out there, wrote one about marty supreme that you may not get or may not like or may think is okay open.substack.com/pub/byroncrush…

Super minor life update that feels pretty major: finally gave in to that person i met at a pub in Dalston last week and started a substack for my soppy poems: open.substack.com/pub/byroncrush…

At this rate you’d be pretty miffed if Jeffrey Epstein had never asked you to take a photo with him

Too busy watching ‘these videos will restore your faith in humanity’ Instagram reels to help her print something

Ideal first date: I had a crush on you in year 5. You had a crush on me in year 5. We've been friends for a while.

Can’t see someone who’s the spitting image of her without thinking of her

I find it pretty hard to see a Duane Reade bag with the handles tied containing sex toys, but plugs and lube without thinking of that Lily Allen song

[Horniest a guy's ever been] I really liked your substack on Frida Kahlo

@noelle_nole1 love it!!

@oldjumpers I replied to a post in Latin the other day. It was only three words and I had to look one of them up but I was ever so pleased with myself

Fans of posh stereotypes will be delighted to hear that a mate of mine does dirty talk in Latin

Whilst work today wasn’t anecdote central, pretty sure I’m probably the only person on the number 3 express train in NY listening to Cheryl’s 2010 classic ‘Parachute’

A girl asked me if i was putting on a fake British accent just to make me sound “hot and charming” and can’t believe it only took me travelling 3,470 miles to be called “hot and charming”

My biggest financial pickle is purchasing a lot of underwear having been made to look and stare and suddenly losing the undergarments i was wearing

I feel really bad for Jacob Elordi actually. People always focusing on him being excessively handsome and probably laughing at his every word like he’s Tim Key or something just because they don’t know what else to do around him because of his distracting beauty

Still regret not having been into Celebrity Traitors as it would’ve been really nice to have been able to talk to someone about something

I’d feel sorry for myself had the Post Office insurance policy not been so subtly entertaining

Hands down the best thing about breaking your leg as soon as you get to New York is really getting stuck into the deliciously convoluted terms of travel insurance

LSE ROBBERY - Could I really be riddled with self-loathing for digging deep to buy a £65 LSE hoodie whilst waiting for a mate because i cannot be left alone for 20 minutes?

The worst part about being self-made is having to learn how to ski at 40 instead of 4