maggie

haunted by the time i accidentally left garbage on the floor and my roommate said, “you’re not rocking with the bin?”

(my phone dies) that needed to happen so i can now get back in touch with my purpose

i think the jewelry heist at the louvre is an elaborate promo for the new eddie murphy pink panther movie

we're living in a time where you'll be like "i love to read" and someone will reply "it makes me sick when people act like reading just became lovable and you didn't even mention the library..."

after months of careful consideration, i have finally landed on my next big fashion statement: t shirt

i wanna make something FUNNY

we should call him Donald "Blump"--because his behavior makes the American people feel like they've been Blumped! (which is a new phrase i've created)

(realizing) ohhh she's making jokes because she's an idiot

guy who has only seen harry potter and tsitp: conrad is just like snape

my boyfriend is handsome and happy and just what a man should be. i am an unmedicated depressive with frizzy hair. we will be together for one hundred years.

(delighted) you drank chocolate milk at a business meeting?!

my therapist said to me, and this really stuck with me, "i'm gluing a bunch of stuff to you"

having my period for the first time in months. glass shattering sound. scary strings sound.

i love nilüfer yanya her music makes me feel like i'll never be okay again and the world is ending later this afternoon

i don't have the energy to explain my mindset to you, please refer to my novelty wallet that says "brunch vibes"

an app that let's you input where you're going, how long you'll be there, what kind of stuff you want to do there, what kind of luggage you want to bring, and whether you'll have a washing machine, and it tells you what to pack

i told donald trump there was a pool on the roof that only the seniors can use

a lot of moving is like “where can i put my precious grocery bag full of pipes?”

i burst out laughing at the conrad red hot chili peppers entrance

do we think anyone’s ever been like, “well, waiters at the table of my success have some valid points…”