follow @bencollins on bluesky

I'm not sure everyone is ready for how unbelievably stupid the next two years are going to be.

CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Year theonion.com/cia-realizes-i…

I need an Onion Newspaper subscription so badly but I want it delivered by someone tossing it onto my front porch from the basket of their bicycle as they keep moving forward

getting the onion newspaper is worth it alone for the ads

@MelaninisOP_ @TheOnion Christmas truly came early this year. 😅

@TheOnion Gonna use this a lot lmao 🤣

Get more news than your fragile mind can handle. Subscribe today at 25% off. membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701c…

Forget everything you already know about America's most notorious dead person. Watch Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile at Thursday, Oct. 9 at 7 p.m. ET/6 p.m. CT. Only at The Onion on Youtube here: youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoG….

Forget everything you already know about America's most notorious dead person. Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile is in select theaters October 2.

This Week's Onion Magazine:

Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From theonion.com/trump-spends-e…

Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk theonion.com/report-you-to-…

I talked this morning about Elon Musk, his Paul Pelosi conspiracy theory, and how you lose a democracy in the age of the internet.

No fucking shit buddy.

i love holding real news in my hands

1 Onion Subscriber vs 20 Non-Subscribers, on our new series, Encircled. Subscribe at membership.theonion.com/totepromo/?cam… today and receive a free tote bag.

The Onion. tinyurl.com/4k63xez6

When new owners took the helm of the Onion last year, they tried to revive the satirical publication by rolling back the publication. Their bet on print is starting to pay off on.wsj.com/4lwGOXj

Conservative Man Proudly Frightened Of Everything theonion.com/conservative-m…

This bar I was at had a physical copy of the Onion and LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN IT