tyler

Walking into a bar, clearly shithoused, one arm around AOC, other arm around Doris Burke. We're all coked out. Drunk. Heading to Leo's penthouse. I wake up, the simulation failed, I try again

Best thing she could do is take the holiday spot by covering Monster Mash

Propping up a bunch of Manila folders around my laptop at Starbucks so no one can see me google “are carrots good for you”

@jetsetradioooo Entering a golden age for race relations we’re calling it now

@ookens it might genuinely change the racism in that city

LeBron to Philly is crazy. Fully charged the panels “CLEAR” shock to the system. All of Kensington just got hit with narcan. Guys that have been nodding out in an Iverson jersey since 2014 just got inception kicked back into reality

Here Bond, a cyanide pill disguised as a mint. You can use it to kill yourself in a pinch. And this Bond, is your watch. It’s fitted with a detonator to kill yourself if necessary. And of course your gun, the Walther PPK. Only one bullet though so save it for if you’re captured.

I reckon how you get a fella like me is on account of papa being a rollin stone. Mama was the son of a preacher man. Grandpa was a birthday clown by day and would moonlight as a rodeo clown. Meemaw was fraternal twins that’d ride nuts to butts on a penny farthing bike. Auntie was

They’re replacing Arkansas law with Sharia law again. They’re taking away the coke freestyle at your local wingstop too. I get all of my news straight from this x account run by a lady that looks like melted ice cream

sydney sweeney tits are like a Misiorowski fastball she can lean on at all times for anything. new movie got bad ratings? people calling you a nazi for a jeans commercial? boom, 105 just fucking painted on the corner to get out of a bases loaded jam. they rule so hard

ASICSこれは！？

So we tried doing a pred sting and imma be honest the nigga we caught just beat all 4 of our asses. Alex our camera man still in the hospitable.

@samuraijacx Wearing the helmet and ruining the viewing experience for all three rows behind me

@ookens I’m at a Sunday 7am 70mm showing. Getting up at 6am to get Agamemnon’d and to piss off the gods

Gonna be the only psycho at the 11AM showing of The Odyssey tomorrow morning sitting front row absolutely geeked off of unlimited Coke Zero and Buncha Crunch

Saw that Isaac Brock clip and he’s 100% right. After a few listen-throughs, Purple Mountains is a 10/10. Hang it in the pantheon of shit I consider really good and cool

What are people that climb in the backseat to beat their kids in the scorching hot parking lot of a Family Dollar gonna do now???

nah this is NASTY nigga went nuclear

What constitutes explosive diarrhea? How powerful does a dookie have to be to be deemed explosive? Who’s tracking this and how so? Measured in joules or by fallout? I need to know if I’m going tsar bomba mode in this Airbnb or not

Got nasty with the crab boil and followed it up the next morning with chicken and waffles we love a good little piggy boy weekend

The idea of a walkable city is cool but can anyone point out some skippable cities? I’d like to be able to romp or frolic to a bodega for a bacon egg n cheese and one of those carts that sends you to the PT hallway