Oona O'Brien

majored in funny

Emily In Paris does not improve my mental state

eating Annie’s until the day i die

going into Everlane to prove I have self-control

a cookie should not be five dollars

i was just told i am not chill enough to own a bean bag chair

God just tested me with a $5 flash sale on home goods

omg i started bobbing my head then the song ended and im in public

lets face it, if you go on a date and you sit at the bar, you are now on a three way date with the bartender 🙃 greattt

pedestrians should get to honk too

my most toxic trait is that i genuinely believe there are some soul mates on Love is Blind

if you dont use a cookie cutter to make your cookies, we are not friends

i exist only to do my dishes

in my bathrobe, i feel like a bachelor

asking my therapist if she could please start every session with “start talking” as if we are in a cool mob meeting

i am the reincarnation of Hanson

my FinkedIn says im a corporate lawyer who graduated in 1999

if you cant handle ice cream in the cold, talk to the paw

the world tried to take me out via my ankle this weekend, when I tripped on a marble staircase. Now it’s chosen method is the flu one day later. What’s next? Is my piece of toast going to try and punch me?

BISCUITS ARE NOT SCONES

just got called an actor… im an improviser, bro