Out Of Context

All college is a group of thirty kids bonding over ways to kill them selves, over the course of 4 years, while also kinda learning stuff?

What are we but blood sacks? I wish we didn’t have bones.

Classmate: You’ve given everyone in this class a nickname. What’s mine? Me: Shrooms. Classmate: Why? Me: Because you walked into class day one off a shit ton of shrooms and offered me one.

“It says online that classes start at 8 but I’m not going to show up for 8 because that’s a dumb time for a class.” - My Professor

I learn more when you’re not in class. But I have more fun when you’re in class. Plus, you made my attendance look amazing in comparison.

Vampires can eat garlic, they just need to take Benadryl with it.

If my boyfriend pulls my hair during sex one more time I’m gonna find the nearest supervising teacher on recess duty and tattle on him. If he’s gonna act like a third grader, I’ll treat him like a third grader.

If accidentally stealing a pen from a bank counts as robbing it then I am the world’s greatest criminal mastermind.

I want to play dungeons and dragons in a modern fantasy theme. I want my characters to be able to uber for no other reason than I want an elf to uber.

I know my therapist said burying my issues is bad, but what about cremating my issues?

Never take life advice from someone in bangs. Bangs means their mental health is wack and therefore should not be trusted with things like “my boyfriend cheated on me, what do I do?” Cause their first answer will be “key his car”.

I’m not even sure what I’m doing with my life. I used to think I was just going to be the family disappointment but my mom said she’s proud of me and now I can’t even be that!

There is nothing you can say to me that my sleep paralysis demon hasn’t already said to me at three in the morning.

Did this man bring you sexual pleasure on a scale of: 1. Not even worth faking 2. Kinda worth faking 3. Somewhat faking 4. Almost not faking 5. Only man to ever successfully give a woman an orgasm

Tom Cruise and Danny Devito would be the best power couple in Hollywood and the only reason you’re denying it is because you’re too chicken shit to come to terms with the truth.

I might be able to Naruto run from bullets, but I can never Naruto run from my demons.