Han Solo Cup

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

@LordScavamungus Yes, but surprisingly in a non-pedantic way. There is hope for our species.

@paminski did someone let you know yet or anything

You just wake up one day and realize you don’t even know what ticker tape is, let alone how it relates to parades.

@FailShark Nope. Time to go.

@FailShark Sometimes you have to stay and fight. Not sure if this is the time or not. Still thinking.

Word of the day is ‘recrudescence’ (17th century): the return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

Just deciding if I should put on my red cape today or do I wear a few days of mourning black first?

Time for a pumpkin spice drive off a cliff.

I feel like a shot would steady my nerves. Maybe something with Kahluamala?

Currently a victim of electionstential dread.

@8WithaTiara 💙 Georgia

Can I get a Kamala Harris drop a 💙 from every state please and thank you? Check in 💙. Ohio 💙

Sometimes I think about when a woman told me I did it the easy way having twins and I didn’t kick her in the crotch.

Gentle reminder that tomorrow we can’t all have panic attacks at the same time so please stick to the schedule

I did a democracy

I finally figured out where to hide the Halloween candy so I wouldn’t eat it all, just wish I could remember where that was

Being awake makes me so tired.

I find myself saying ridiculous things to my kids like; when I was a kid you had to actually insert a key into the car to make it go

My daughter asked me what hawk tuah means so I told her it means two hawks in French.

Fact-checking: If a Tesla truck catches fire, is it considered a carbecue or a dumpster fire?