Brian Parise

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Brian Parise

Brian Parise

@parisecomedy

Standup. Writer. Pasta man.

Katılım Eylül 2012
589 Takip Edilen899 Takipçiler
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
My first standup album has been released & you should check it out! (Link in bio)
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
I wonder if people who hated Hitler ever wore Nazi-style hats that said MADE YA LOOK, JEWS ROCK
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Me doing my favorite thing (talking pasta) with the wonderful Jackie Kashian.
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Myka Fox
Myka Fox@MykaFox·
Update: pasta is feeling very good in my body why is nobody talking about this
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Myka Fox
Myka Fox@MykaFox·
I just ate pasta did you know you could do that
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Ok given Cuomo, Giuliani, DeBlasio, Scaramucci, and Avenatti, I propose we Italians agree to a 3-year ban from politics in exchange for an unproblematic holiday (James Gandolfini Day) and a promise from everyone to stop pronouncing “gnocchi” wrong.
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Dr. Raj Sivaraman
Dr. Raj Sivaraman@rajsivaraman·
Since we’re all spilling #royal tea, William used to come to the bar where I DJ’d at in college and one time kept asking me to play the same song (Groove Armada - Superstylin’). I told him “I just played it”. he just looked at me and I reluctantly played it again...
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Me interviewing Prince Harry: “So, were you like...the Jack, or is that just a playing card thing? Sorry, I tried to prep for this by watching ‘The Crown,’ but I couldn’t get into it.”
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Let’s bring back the mafia but they only kill people who don’t adequately salt their pasta water.
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
The most cheerful dream I’ve had in the last year was one where terrorists were holding me hostage in a room that had a fancy cold-cut vending machine.
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julia
julia@juliashiplett·
When you absolutely light up the bathroom and then ur straight male roommate goes one minute later? Queen shit
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Yoga’s been great for my mental health. I now refer to Depression & Anxiety as my Yin and Yang energy.
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Today is when Klobuchar texts Biden about opening for him on the road and then never hears back.
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Ok someone update our guy on Afghanistan
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
I hope J-Lo is aware of the dark undertones in that song.
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julia
julia@juliashiplett·
I’m in hell
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Ooo I found THE hot new platform for white nationalists. Anything goes, spread the word!
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Imagine parkour not even being the worst thing about you.
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Brian Parise
Brian Parise@parisecomedy·
Apple Designer: AirPods must be the absolute pinnacle of user-friendly design in every possible way. Engineer: What if someone drops the case? Apple Designer: I dunno it shoots open and the pods scatter 25 feet or down the nearest sewage grate. Engineer: On it.
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