patrick hilgart

If we have to watch your engagement/wedding play out on social media, it‘s only right that your divorce will too. Fair is fair. I don’t make the rules!!!

Relevant again

@xokaitlin I love Euphoria

If you love Euphoria you love drugs there I said it

@Farr_OutThere Rawr 🐯😈

Me: Drunk. Disheveled. Sprinting to my gate. Vogue Magazine:

@er23higgs She just threw me to the floor and broke my hip

If I die don’t delete my Instagram

I want Ashlyn Harris to kick me in the face

it absolutely sickens me that someone at a graduation ceremony somewhere is calling me a proud alumni without my permission

I wish I was a dog so I could just lay around all day and people tell me how cute I am

Making new friends as an adult is hard because I don’t want them.

@mir_duh22 Enough to say heck instead of fuck

Work people follow me on social media and I’m out here posting about quit your job, never return, suck a dick. Guess how much I give a heck?

@katebyrnepower Her first album slaps

for absolutely no reason i tasked myself with listening to taylor swift's entire catalogue, which i did, over the course of two days anyway, i'm done now so gimme all of your favorite releases today. starting w/ kevin morby OBVIOUSLY

Me out of college 5 years later: dk if I’ll ever pay off college. College: Hey jw if we can have some more money to give us for no reason?

I hate to brag but my Instagram post is doing 95% percent better than my recent posts

@knipples9 Starting the week off strong

@T_Pain_2 We want to see this thing through

@patrickhilgart Rules are rules

If we have to watch your engagement/wedding play out on social media, it‘s only right that your divorce will too. Fair is fair. I don’t make the rules!!!

I do believe Jesse’s Mullet was a hate crime.

I stopped smoking weed and transformed from ‘piece of shit’ to ‘complete asshole.’