Patrick Ramirez

When I started comedy comics would be furiously writing in notebooks in the back. Now they're furiously setting up tripods

I'm voting for the candidate that texts me the least

I'm big in the bot community

@adamcarolla Rich man/Poor man- having a studio

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I have been singing along lately to music in the grocery store

I really want to have a deep political discussion but there isn't a coffee shop anywhere near me

@BillSimmons "They knew, and they let it happen!"

Thanks to the LA Times for continuing to report on everyone who (a) caused the LA fires thru sheer incompetence/stupidity, (b) had no real plan for stopping the fires, and/or (c) tried to cover up their own mistakes/liability afterwards. What a disgrace. latimes.com/california/sto…

Tom Brady is now explaining how to throw a football

Game update: Erin Andrews has been attacked by a gang of rival birds

Lived experience- Translation: this happened to me once.

Don't start a conversation with me by saying "here's the thing"

@TheRewatchables "I'm gambling again!"

Coming Monday on @TheRewatchables

Go ahead Apple keeps sending those updates, I'm never backing up my iPhone

@TheRewatchables It's fight night!

Coming Monday on @TheRewatchables

If I never date a triathlete this life will be a success

@_MLFootball The Derek Carr jersey is worth at least one punch to the gut.

THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF F*CK AROUND AND FIND OUT. 😳😳😳 ONE OF THE CRAZIEST FIGHTS IN #NFL HISTORY. x.com/hoodcrazy_/sta…

I'm very popular in the bot community

If your having a bad day, feed a dog some chips and enjoy.

Let's be real for a second, Mark Sanchez has a great "drunk story"

@adamcarolla safety, safety, safety, safety...