Phil Brown

Manchester United's game against Olympiakos reminds me of the 17 ouzo-fuelled spiritual epiphanies I had in 1987.

Sometimes I have to talk myself down from Southend pier.

I don't call it Hull, I call it On Chesil Beach

Do players play too much football at Christmas? No, they should just run less in each Christmas game.

My personal Everest is the Humber Bridge. Was. I mean was.

I will be dressed in the suit I was wearing when I was sacked by Hull. I meditate in it each month.

Reading Kant, looking for inspiration for my three first half substitutions against Hull.

My favourite area of physical wellbeing is mental health.

If football is a religion, then I am the prayer book, playing with a false sacred cow up front

Saying a pan-denominational prayer to the football gods for the chance to come back to the KC Stadium.