dave

Only utter dicks ask questions at the end of a presentation. What the actual hell is wrong with them? Was it not boring enough already?

You know you're old and no fun when you start thinking certain roads need speed cameras

A stranger just asked to borrow my phone... erm my phone is worth about £500 I won't let my own mother borrow my phone you've got no chance

Suddenly getting blisters from shoes I've been wearing almost daily without incident feels like a huge betrayal

Either the camera on my phone is way too good or I'm just incredibly ugly...could be both I guess

My 7 year old self used to utterly hate Zangief from 'Street Fighter'.... I'm 29 now and nothing has changed, the Cossack dancing bastard!!

Dammit I know self service checkouts aren't self aware but giving me change entirely in coppers makes me feel it somehow has it in for me

Was just aftershave shopping and the bloke assisting me sprayed some on his own wrist and asked me to smell it... Little bit uncomfortable

As awesome as Street Fighter V is nothing fills me with more joy than the music from the second installment..... m.youtube.com/watch?list=PL6…

You know you've been playing Fallout 4 too long when you spot a discarded bottlecap in real life and think 'ooh better grab that'

Quite possibly the greatest spam email I've ever received, that's one hell of a chat up line.....

It's a good job I'm not a kid anymore I just blindly accept sweets from anyone

Right, so extreme knee pain ranks right under extreme tooth pain on the Dave Wilson pain scale, I dislike pain in all of it's forms

Trying to navigate past a group of people waiting for a bus is like trying to get past actual zombies only less bitey and less fun

@gary_tahmasbi @Hazel_RC I'm proud she's finally conquered that demon, the fear on her face is extraordinary

I take criticism about as well as Russell Crowe does.....pure rage, expletives, stropping off in a huff and swinging the odd punch

This is really gonna suck isn't it?..... dnaindia.com/sport/report-q…

Kids now wear black shoes and white socks with black trousers for school... In my day you would quite rightly have been bullied for that

I'm flipping out the next time some random idiot asks me for directions, I really hate it

May have used a hazardous chemical product without making sure the area was well ventilated, can't tell if I'm high or actually dying