Peg Leg

Petition for chicken breasts to be measured by cup sizes instead of lbs.

If we make prolonged eye contact I’m automatically assuming my nose is gushing blood and I’m unaware

You can never look at a man the same after you know he wipes his ass with hello kitty toilet paper

In your head, is “st.” the first T or last T in the word STREET?

What twisted deal with the devil did Snapchat make that they have rights to all good music but not the good parts?

I ate Reina. #cannibalismtosurvive

She cam on my d call it ride-her hall

New crying spot unlocked today on the 1 Bus! LEVEL UP!

If all these flowers could quit busting their nuts today my nose and eyes would be so grateful

Everyone on the #TheUltimatium keeps talking about being financially stable enough for kids, I’m just trying to be financially stable enough to buy my fruit pre-sliced

@EmmaVWrightt Oh you’re in Germany? Name all the beer

Watch this space!

Boston is a very Thursday city

My entire instagram feed this week truly believes I’m going to Coachella and I’m honored

Mom’s on instagram give zero fucks and take no hostages

Nothing more startling than licking a spoon clean and then catching yourself in the reflection

an apology

Has anyone even bought a bra in the past three years? Should we do a wellness check on Victoria?

@biggerzestier61 Taylor Swift lied

@peggyee123 not feeling 22⁉️

I WILL celebrate my birthday this year. I WILL NOT stop being 21.

Currently: speeding 25 miles over, drinking a Bang energy drink, blaring G6 trying to make it to @Staples before it closes