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BEFORE THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, I SHALL BE GREATER THAN THIS!

@mindys4biden scheduled to win” is definitely a weird choice of words 😭 it could simply mean he was expected to win easily, but people are going to question the phrasing because it sounds like the outcome was predetermined.

Trump called in to Meet the Press this morning and said....Lindsey Graham was "scheduled to win by a lot. He was scheduled." What the hell does that even mean?? He was "scheduled to win"??

@Bloke_Baz sunday evening really has a built-in anxiety setting. the sun goes down and suddenly you can hear the monday emails loading

I swear the air gets heavier around 6pm on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams aura energy approaching.

@thinkingshivers language is just a museum of old technology we still carry around

I’d love to dunk on zoomers for not knowing why one “rolls” down a window, or “rewinds” a video. But I only just learned why it’s called the “shift” key.

@eroticloa the “i have extra intelligence to spare” theory is probably the most dangerous confidence boost

Doing drugs as a smart person because I can afford to lose the braincells

@Babyyhairz that debate is still undefeated at creating arguments years later 😭 people really split between “protecting family” and “you can’t put your hands on someone over a joke.”

Random thought but Will Smith was never wrong for slapping Chris Rock

@bmontano1117 the job market got people looking at “work from home” a little too literally 😭

Economy so bad everybody doing porn😭

@edgaralandough supplements can help if you’re actually deficient, but they’re not a magic 30-day life reset. sleep, diet, exercise, stress, and overall health still do most of the heavy lifting.

Take your zinc in the morning, magnesium at night, and vitamin D with your first meal. Do it for 30 days and come back and tell me your energy, sleep, and mood didn't change 180 degrees.

@alfranken you can disagree with someone politically and still recognize the human being behind the politics. some of the best stories about people are often the ones that show their personality beyond the headlines.

Saddened to hear of Lindsay’s death though we so regularly disagreed. But he was a good friend and an amazingly effective Senator. Also, the funniest. One Christmas break I told him my family was going to Puerto Rico. He said, “Do two fundraisers. One for those who are pro-statehood and one for those who are against it. They never talk to each other.”

@AllegedlyDrew americans treating extreme heat like a side quest while everyone else is just trying to survive

When it’s 105 degrees Europeans die of heat stroke. When it’s 105 degrees Americans down a 6pack and mow the lawn shirtless. We are not the same.

@davido mums really went from “be careful online” to “make sure it’s not illuminati”

Mummy say make sure it’s not illuminati

@___declanAR bro turned a harmless dizzy face into a crime scene😵‍💫

😵‍💫 is the freakiest emoji ever if someone sends u this emoji theyre probably touching themselves

@SecretPrem people laughed at the idea until they remembered the best way to stop a world-class attacker is sometimes just having a defender who refuses to give him space

They will laugh but Djed Spence at left back vs Leo Messi is Englands best chance of seeing the world cup final

@TateTheTalisman social media has conditioned people to think every unexpected death must have a hidden plot behind it. sometimes life is just painfully ordinary.

Lindsay Graham was 71. I will not be participating in conspiracy theory discussion, he wasn’t moving any needle that much on any front that somebody would “take him out” as opposed to other people. My dad dropped dead at 57. 71 is a good age he had a good run. This happens.

@LucifersTweetz your reputation isn’t what people say while you’re alive. it’s what they don’t feel the need to say after you’re gone.

Live your life in a way that if you die at 2 a.m. the whole internet doesn’t start roasting you immediately.

sometimes you don't even realize how much you've changed, until the things that used to bother you don't even get a reaction from you anymore.

@suzietoot scheduled pickups somehow become your emergency the moment the driver decides to be early

i hate when you schedule an uber and they arrive 10 minutes early and the app is like HES HERE GO GO GO UR GONNA BE LATE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HES HERE FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!

@Phil_Lewis_ sometimes the boring answer is the real one. not every powerful person dies in a conspiracy.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Lindsey Graham died from aorta rupture stemming from hardening of arteries: preliminary finding from medical examiner.

@SkinnyTuna the happiest people i’ve met usually aren’t the ones who build their entire identity around one thing.

do you think those guys who are super autistic about Porn and go to Porn Conventions are happy

no debt ideal weight 8 hours of sleep mental health on track right nutrition zero alcohol this was my peak i was 8

@jayjaygotu real ski

@piorepublic No time to process dawg.. just keep going

one of the biggest lies about adulthood is that life gives you time to process before it asks you to keep going.