Tess

If girl cannot hear cat call, wave all 10 fingers at her like you're casting a spell on her hot body.

@merxaus @KillinIt247frvr yeah if she ain't dead yet. Just a tsp thank you.

@KillinIt247frvr @merxaus i'm back Tuesday but until then, just continue to remind her what a silly guy you are.

Get off social media. Find your rep house.gov & tell them what you want them to do. I’m lazy but I did it. say.ly/iGL4MwB

”i'm better at granola bars than you.” Said the 4 yr old to the disgruntled babysitter.

Sitting in a giant box of slippers = ikea breaking point @merxaus instagr.am/p/Ouk9YKm2BJ/

saturday crafternoon instagr.am/p/Oe40N4G2EU/

5 yr old camper tells me about her 4 boyfriends but only remembers the name of one. #simplertimes

Choice Market might have a C for sanitation, but they get an A+ for realness as far as i'm concerned.

@KillinIt247frvr @merxaus you have to blame whoever invented blenders, Kate bush's genius, and Mondays.

@SpelledGweew you are correct, sir. Summer is thigh fire season.

@KillinIt247frvr thnx for the shout out ryry aka razor aka rickety GIFs mcgee

Holy chipz and salsa

Post-nap 4 yr olds are smaller versions of post-bender frat boys. They're so mad. They smell like pee. They can't stand up.

I couldn't possibly be the only person who always thought #ff stood for friends forever.

@KillinIt247frvr @merxaus brush so hard..

shout out to y'alls: i've changed my handle to something less racist. i'm a new man. a pizzasocks man.

@ZoeIsTalking @merxaus in case we have any bear guests. Jk I wash my face with honey.

@merxaus I have some foam scraps. But there's also canal foam and rubber

Don't walk backwards in midtown. Even if it's for an art project.