Lord Ali Matchett of Sealand 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇱🇻

@caroldecker @Keir_Starmer Custard is useful. Half cunt half bastard.

@Pompey Ok, so we clearly ain't good enough to challenge for anything this season - Southampton are losing against clubs we have already beaten and are below us still. Finish above them, fingers crossed they get relegated - that'll do me

Full time.

Big shout out to Jeremy from Newcastle who just thanked me because he thought he had run out of toilet paper but then found a full roll behind the Pantene Anytime Jezza! I got you!

So this is how it feels to be lonely This is how it feels to be small This is how it feels when your word means nothing at all

2 3/4 hour drive to work today thanks to roadworks on the M3 and an accident, then suffer a whack to the side of my face at work (complete accident) that nearly knocked me out and then a puncture on the way home! Glad to see the end of the day

What a hugely hysterical club Southampton are, never cease to amaze me how shit they actually are! £55 million spent in the transfer window and were out played at home by Pompey who had spent only £5 million!

I HAVE NO WORDS

@thecloneroses They paid for the tickets, they do what they want!! Fucking hell...

Leave yer phones in yer pockets tonight kids!! #Oasis

@rickygervais You are a good man Ricky and a comedic genius - don't ever change!!! Your honesty is so refreshing

Had a medical this week. As the Doctor looked at the results he went “Hmmm, how do you feel?” “Great” I said” He said “I’m not surprised. You show all the signs of being a global fucking legend.”“Should I do anything” I said. He went “Yeah. Keep being awesome, you genius cunt” Anyway, off to Zurich. #Mortality

Oasis tonight at the end of live forever in Cardiff. ❤️

@NoContextHumans Well they can add traffic free on their tourist videos!

A tourist secretly films downtown North Korea

@SkyNews Does anyone else think this has been the plan all along?? I definitely do!!

The Gallagher brothers hold hands at the start of their worldwide Oasis tour. 🤝 trib.al/V40wwW3

@OasisLGNGFan The whole thing is literally a show remember...

NOEL JUST CALLED LIAM OVER FOR A HUG

@NoContextHumans A bin

What are you adding to this?

Hello?? Hello??? It's good to be back, Good to be back!! My head is in a better place now, but I can't guarantee my tweets will necessarily make any sense!

Deleting this app now, anyone who wants to contact then if you actually know me you'll have my details - phone, email etc Fed up of all the toxic posts and irrelevant rubbish on here!

@Alphafox78 Die rather rapidly?

What would you do if WWIII started? 😨

@ElonMuskOde Always

🚨BREAKING: The petition for a General Election has BROKEN the record for the fastest time to reach 100k signatures—previously held by ‘Justice for George Floyd’ on change.org. Poetic. The British have had enough.

'Broken promises!' Starmer humiliated after 330,000 Britons sign petition demanding another General Election gbnews.com/politics/gener…