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nothing like scrolling through the brandy melville site to trigger myself

hi I have my first doctors appointment tomorrow since officially getting diagnosed with anorexia and I’m really fucking scared I don’t want them to tell me I need to gain weight and I know they’re going to I don’t know what to do

I think I’m sad because this means that I can’t pretend that I’m fine anymore now that my mom knows that my body is shutting down so uh

god I was in such a good mood this morning and now I want to cry at every little thing I’m so fucking sad I want to talk to somebody but i can’tt

now I’m just embarrassed my mom knows I haven’t had my period she probably thinks I’m a dumb bitch who doesn’t realize how bad that is

every time I feel like I’m eating normally I feel bad because I feel like I’m don’t really have an eating disorder and then when shit like this happens I just wish I could be normal I’m so TIRED like bitch pick a problem

and I’m going out to a vegan cafe with my friend today and I was prepared to treat myself to a vegan burger but now that this happened I just want to hide and not eat anything why does this always happen every time I hype myself up to eat something I wouldn’t normally eat

I’ve been slowly dying right in front of her for a year now and I thought it was fine just keeping everything to myself without her noticing and now that she’s actually going to send me to a doctor it’s become so much more real I feel like crying I hate this I want to be normal

haven’t been on here in a while. I’ve been attempting to recover by myself which I should’ve known was stupid to try by myself but my mom just confronted me and found out that I haven’t had my period in nearly half a year and now she’s finding a doctor for me and I’m scared

Is it just my family that makes fun of my eating habits? like I’ll turn down some food and someone will jokingly go ‘oh no she can’t eat that it’s too scary for her’ in a room full of people ... literally nothing pisses me off more

Costumes were delivered to my dance studio and I’m trying mine on today. I’m so nervous because they measured me for my costume a few months ago and I’ve lost so much weight since then what if it doesn’t fit and everyone notices

twitter is like a group therapy with no therapist

I don’t even think this tweet makes sense my mind’s a mess

I’m at the lowest weight I’ve ever been and it’s genuinely scary like I don’t want to lose any more weight and get too skinny so I’m trying to eat more but I’m still losing bc I’m not eating enough bc I’m scared to gain weight but I’m also scared to lose weight and ughskkdkskskms

Pepsi and tea

My instagram explore page screams eating disorder

HELLO my birthday was amazing I’m so happy

I’m going to try my hardest to enjoy myself tomorrow without letting my ed get in the way I hope this goes okay I’m already anxious

I already know all of my classmates are going to be getting me candy and I’m panicking hhahhahha I’ve already convinced myself to splurge a bit so I’m going to enjoy myself and have one dessert but I’m scared I’m going to go over my limit