Jillian

2/2 what if he's fine and now you've broken his concentration causing you to have to engage, but just as you're halfway down the corridor, you hear the sound of hot wheels on floor tiles and you quietly turn around and return to staring into space in the kitchen.

1/2 When your 3-year-old is playing quietly by himself in the other room but it's been 6 whole minutes without hearing a sound so you start to get worried, but then, for a split second, you hesitate before checking on him because

My 3-year-old calls a parasol a 'sunbrella' and he's right.

Them: Just you seem like a chill mum, I'm surprised you don't want any more kids. Me: I am one embryo away from a complete, irrevocable fucking breakdown.

@PaulMFranzen 😱

it's simply too powerful

Restaurant concept: The food from the kids' menu comes out pre-cooled so that my liability labrador child doesn't repeatedly give himself 3rd degree burns while screaming at you like you can control temperature with your mind.

Me after watching #PamelaALoveStory

My best playlists are almost exclusively shazzamed from Libyan taxi drivers 👌🎶🚕

My son calls Luigi "The Weegie" which makes Mario Kart sound like a T in the Park campsite circa 2001. "Mummy, why has the weegie got a mushroom?" "The weegie keeps crashing into the bushes" "I don't want to play with the weegie anymore, too annoying and slow."

Thanks @DarkHistories for being my top podcast on @Spotify this year. I loved all 6,857 minutes of it. #SpotifyWrapped open.spotify.com/show/2HCs3hT2t…

Karol Aquilina denied saying those words #Malta #LovinMalta lovinmalta.com/news/watch-you…

It isn’t for 79 politicians to decide what a woman can and can’t do with her own body. Her own blood. #Malta #LovinMalta #Abortion lovinmalta.com/opinion/why-ro…

You know what sucks? Writing. You know what I love? Writing. You know what I wanna do? Write. You know what I don't wanna do? Write.

When 3-year-olds drill their questions down so far you're suddenly in quantum physics before breakfast: What's a thumb made of? What's skin? What's inside blood? What's a cell? What's a mitochondria? What are atoms? What is the universe? What is why?

Realising #Gorbachev was alive until right now and didn't in fact die ages ago in 2008 or something.

Reading my 3-year-old 'Giraffe Goes the Doctor' and he said "Can we read a different book? There are too many pictures of giraffes and it's making me stressed." Oh, dear child, you have no idea.

When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me to stop getting so "Leeds United" whenever I would have a hyper half hour. I didn't know 'Legionited' wasn't a word until I was about 25.

Me reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to my 3-year-old son: "In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf" Him: No it didn't. #theveryhungrycaterpillar #bedtimestories #funnykids

@netflix docuseries #DBCooperWhereAreYou is the biggest cringe ever. Had to turn it off 10 mins in to 2nd episode, right after they asked RR why he was hiding in a storage bin. I'd hide in a garbage bin to get away from those sensationalist amateurs.

@PaulMFranzen She called it an 'extension pack' which implies that I already own the basic fart pack. How many fart packs are too many?

@punsin10ded ...Which one of you said "yes" faster?

My kid just asked #Alexa to "play a dinosaur fart" and she genuinely said "Dinosaur farts are part of the Extreme Fart Pack that includes Dragon farts and more. Would you like to buy it?"