Race Herr

@MrFruitYT For what it’s worth you’ve made it possible to make it through tough times in my life and I hope you can make it though yourself.

I put too much of my self worth into my work - and when it isn't doing well it makes me feel like a failure. It hurts - it hurts a lot. I carry that weight around all the time and it's so unhealthy and despite my best efforts it's still so hard to separate the two. It's not so easy when my work, the "product" I serve, is essentially me/my personality. So when people don't watch me or my videos, it feels like they're personally rejecting me. And I've always dealt with rejection poorly. In fact I just recently learned why that may be - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). TL;DR is that I hate feeling like I've failed anyone, given them a reason to see fault in me etc. and when I do, I don't manage it very well. For me it manifests in negative self talk, worthlessness, hopelessness and major anxiety. Now when you're making content for hundreds and thousands of people all with different opinions and tastes... you can't please everyone. But my mind doesn't accept that and I still WANT to please everyone even though that's impossible. The past 2 1/2 years my channel has seen a continued decline in viewership, performance, subscribers, revenue etc. and I've tried so hard to stop the "bleeding" as it were. As is evident by my channels current state, it hasn't worked. So the last 2 1/2 years have been tougher on my mental than normal because it feels like I'm CONSTANTLY being told I'm not good enough, I'm not relevant enough and that I have nothing of value to offer. I know that's not the case, I know I make great content. But that's once I'm removed from the situation after some amount of time and am able to reflect. The moment I upload a new video however and it under performs... the vicious cycle repeats itself. Nowadays that's just about every video. Obviously, even if I think my content is great, it's no longer what YouTube deems good enough so I've been struggling to figure out how I fit in this new landscape of content creation. Variety gaming is nearly a thing of the past and with my ADHD, as many of you know, I can't stick to one thing. So it's this never ending loop of self sabotage. I bring all of this up not only to vent but to be open and honest with you all about how I deal with this stuff everyday. I've always been candid about my mental health and my mental health has been much worse as of recent. Having my job be in my house, involving my favorite hobbies, having no clear "start" and "stop" to a day or work quota, being centered around my personality and having so many different analytics and numbers telling me if I'm "successful" or not - it makes sense why I struggle to separate it from my normal life. So I'm still looking for that balance. Meanwhile I'm trying to find the middle ground where I can be happy and proud of what I make and having that be enough regardless of numbers. Believe me... much easier said than done. Recently I've been getting the feeling that the "fat lady" is about to sing and I have no say in the matter. My constant depression and anxiety means I tend to catastrophize and get stuck in that head space. And while this is not a new battle for me it has been worse - something about these past few months have just felt different. However today is not the day I hang up my hat, and I hope tomorrow isn't either. To my core audience I say "thank you." Thank you for making these past 9 years possible, for always being the one thing driving and pushing me forward. I think that's another symptom of all of this that has compounded - lack of interaction/comments. Engagement is at an all time low on the main channel's videos and that ties back to the feeling of rejection. If my core audience/viewers aren't enjoying the videos then that's what true failure looks/feels like to me. I do apologize to all those that I've turned away due to a change in content or myself. I will say, however, it's just a natural part of this job. I've grown not only in age and maturity but also as a creator. Not to mention viewers habits and tastes change over time - something that makes sense to me right now - but in the moment still feels like a personal slight as if there was something I could've done to keep them entertained despite all the factors outside of my control. My corner of the internet might be getting smaller right now but I'm still proud of what we've accomplished and the community we have. Every day feels like a never ending roller coaster where one hour I'm feeling motivated, the next I'm dejected and another completely broken. Unfortunately there's no happy ending to this word vomit, no epiphany I've stumbled upon. Merely the words of a passionate creator who constantly struggles with their worth and value. I don't say any of this to feel like I'm imposing that job upon you, as if it's your job to fix these things. It's not. Never has been and never will be. But one thing I've always wanted to remain is honest and vulnerable with you all so that others can see they're not along in their struggles. Whatever you're battling with currently, I hope it gets better. At the very least, you're not alone. o7

College coaches here is our Live Period schedule 🚨

Locked in and ready to start the AAU season! @Texasimpact413

@TheUncommitted0 Chase collins 2023 6’4 190 shooting guard -ppg 25 -apg 3 -spg 4 53% from the field —-866 points this season so far cell:469-758-8865

Race Herr 6’10” Shooting BIG Great district win vs Legacy 12 rebounds 10 blocks, 11 points @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Shooting Big Tough district loss vs Frenship 10 rebounds 5 blocks, 10 points. 2/4 3 pointers @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Game highlights vs San Angelo Central Great district team win. 11 rebounds 8 blocks, 9 points @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Game highlights in Allen’s In-N-Out Burger Holiday Basketball Tournament vs Plano West 17 rebounds 10 blocks 15 points @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Game highlights in Allen’s In-N-Out Burger Holiday Basketball Tournament vs Mesquite Horn 19 rebounds 12 blocks, 9 points @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

@raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 @Permian_GoMOJO

Race Herr 6’10” Game highlights in Allen’s In-N-Out Burger Holiday Basketball Tournament vs Lake Travis 11 rebounds, 5 blocks, 16 points @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @CoachRDunton @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Game highlights in Allen’s In-N-Out Burger Holiday Basketball Tournament vs Lake Highlands 10 rebounds, 4 blocks, 12 points

Highlights from Burkburnett tournament Burburnett - 35 pts Central San Angelo - 34 pts Plainview - 24 pts Rider - 15 pts @TexasPrepReport @TXPSbasketball @LCAfrisco @CoachKil_LCA @RamJam82 @TheUncommitted0 @TexasimpactAE @Coach_Turner87

Race Herr 6’10” We ended 3-1 in the Tall City Oilman’s Tournament 4 game total stats 56 rebounds, 27 blocks, 41 points, @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Tough loss vs Lubbock Monterey in the Tall City Oilman’s Tournament 18 rebounds, 10 blocks, 15 points, 2/4 three pointers @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Tough OT loss vs O’Conner in the South San Antonio tournament 31 points, 12 rebounds, 6 blocks, 5/7 three pointers, 10/12 free throws. @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” First career🏀TRIPLE DOUBLE🏀in the South San tournament vs SA ECentral Tied career high blocks!!🦾 Regulation time tying 3 to send into OT. Reb 11 Blocks 14 Pts 10 @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 6’10” Nice win to start the South San Antonio tournament vs San Antonio Johnson Rebounds 14 Blocks 7 Points 15 @raherr35 @PermianSports @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413 ⁦@Permian_GoMOJO⁩

Race Herr 17 points, 12 rebounds, 7 blocks 3/4 three pointers

Race Herr 6’10” Permian vs ElPaso Americas @raherr35 @Permianhoops @Coach_Turner87 @Texasimpact413