Skitto Ditto

In my fucked up Napoleon of St. Helena era

Posting ring camera feed of my gf getting packages off the porch on the neighborhood community board telling ppl to watch out for porch pirates

@RouseWyatt Noooo don’t delete yourself you’re too sexy haha

Deleting the app now

@emilycarthum Why is the media not reporting on this

Women’s clothing stores have gotten rid of the boyfriend bench entirely. A lot of people are saying this. America is regressing.

Imagine if the Millennium Falcon was real and you could just fly to Jabba's palace to see if he is circumcised.

@caughtinamxsh I be on tour spending all my per diem at dan flashes for the complicated patterns

Just tried it in a small town and only got chased by obese hicks riding Walmart scooters

@RouseWyatt Mama always said this

sex is like catching a fish

Hey T get this. These fucking journalist or something yelled at some coal miners to learn to code and then the coal miners made AI. It’s fucking madness T I’m telling ya.

Ring Doorbell Neighborhood Alert: “Hey guys there’s like 6 stray dogs in my front yard? Also I just heard gunshots? Also does anyone know why a helicopter flew over my house last week? Also is anyone else’s power out? My car just got broken into? Thanks!”

God forbid men have hobbies

Going back to school so I don’t have to start paying my student loans

@jameskey42 You should’ve done it back

a customer looked me dead in the eyes and pulled a tooth out of her face right in front of me today and didn’t say a word

Kinda bummed the lesbians I golf with didn’t invite me to pride w them