Heather Rae Ackerman

@gothmess We have all done this. Anyone that hasn't done this is a liar.

sorry once again to bryant street laundry for using your quarter machine without actually washing my clothes there! if ya girl was ever not working during banking hours I wouldn’t be forced to do this

@BenBrindise Just tell them " I am in this world, not of it", like an old school evangelist.

at my first meat raffle, a friend was surprised and said “you seem like a meat raffle guy” and idk how to take that

3 PM and I'm pushing away my keyboard like a plate when I'm done with dinner.

Just knowing I'm going to have to explain Mr. Beast to my mother... I'm already tired. #Survivor50

PLEASE stop asking me about Christmas plans. I have Big City job! I wear stilettos! I have a proposal due on December 25th! The only breaks I’ll be taking are for coffee. Maybe at the new St. Nick’s Sweets & Sips that just opened…I hope it isn’t run by a hunk who loves Christmas

That moment of surrender when you realize you're going to have to get out of your car and scrape the ice off the windshield, because the heater isn't enough.

In addition to being gentle and caring i am very neurotic and high strung. This is endearing to the right person i'm sure

Zohran Mamdani saying in his victory speech “While you campaign in poetry, you govern in prose. If that must be true, let the prose we write still rhyme” and the crowd letting out a muted, slightly baffled cheer is so funny. It spoke to me, at least.

My mom: "I'm getting better at spotting this fake AI stuff. I saw one that said Taylor Swift wrote a song about Travis Kelce's penis." Me:

Me listening to #TSTheLifeOfAShowgirl

@BenBrindise You contain multitudes!

one of the best rejections I ever got was where they severely complimented the first story despite not taking it and then said the second story was so bad they couldn’t believe they were both written by the same person

Watching the DoorDash guy circle my house like a fly that can't get out of an open window.

Taylor is only doing this because she knows I'm at a critical stage with my book. Not TONIGHT, woman, I'm almost done with this DRAFT! #TS12

@gothmess You'll love it.

it’s 11:30pm, I have three loads of laundry to do, no work tomorrow, and unfettered access to commercial free HBO …. it’s time for me to finally start succession

@BenBrindise Meanwhile, Robert's ghost:

thought a poet at the open mic said they had recently been to Robert Frost’s rave that’s not what they said

No one houses a core of white-hot fury like the only woman keeping the break room table clean at work.

I'm waiting. *foot taps*

@timryan1019 @Bonnaroo Loooooool

Seeing people complain about the @Bonnaroo cancellation.

@BenBrindise This is a Some Bagel.

when you order an everything bagel but they’re out of the everything