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On a scale from 1 to 10, how distracted are you? Yes.

Whoever said time flies has never done a plank

Maybe the Bible is just another one of those Marvel Comics.

Women with freckles have a lot of points in their favor.

I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship!

In Disney movies, when they say ''And they lived happily ever after'' they never explain whether it was together or apart.

Women are like math: difficult to understand, but necessary for everything.

Sunday’s is when you want to do everything and nothing at the same time

If you love someone, let them go, if it was me, you're stupid.

Let's give it up for grandmas who get offended and scared when they hear the word penis, but have like 12 kids.

There comes a time when your inner demons ask for a bigger hell.

The Rules of Twitter are: 1. Talk about what you don’t know 2. The less you know about a subject the more thy shall talk about it 3. Become an expert at everything 4. Have an opinion about everything especially what you don’t know anything about

Stay with whoever looks for you like they look for their phone when they can’t feel it in their pockets

Volume is never enough for the song you love...

Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.

Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me