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@samalmightysam

Comedian, Writer, Rocket Scientist. Business: [email protected]

Instagram.com/samalmightysam Katılım Ağustos 2011
5.2K Takip Edilen287.5K Takipçiler
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IG@samalmightysam·
On a scale from 1 to 10, how distracted are you? Yes.
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Whoever said time flies has never done a plank
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IG@samalmightysam·
Maybe the Bible is just another one of those Marvel Comics.
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IG@samalmightysam·
Women with freckles have a lot of points in their favor.
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IG@samalmightysam·
I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship!
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IG@samalmightysam·
In Disney movies, when they say ''And they lived happily ever after'' they never explain whether it was together or apart.
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IG@samalmightysam·
Women are like math: difficult to understand, but necessary for everything.
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Sunday’s is when you want to do everything and nothing at the same time
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If you love someone, let them go, if it was me, you're stupid.
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IG@samalmightysam·
Let's give it up for grandmas who get offended and scared when they hear the word penis, but have like 12 kids.
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There comes a time when your inner demons ask for a bigger hell.
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IG@samalmightysam·
The Rules of Twitter are: 1. Talk about what you don’t know 2. The less you know about a subject the more thy shall talk about it 3. Become an expert at everything 4. Have an opinion about everything especially what you don’t know anything about
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IG@samalmightysam·
Stay with whoever looks for you like they look for their phone when they can’t feel it in their pockets
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Volume is never enough for the song you love...
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IG@samalmightysam·
Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.
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IG@samalmightysam·
Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me
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