Daniel Sammy Onyango

@kijana_misa Reagents.

What comes to your mind when you see these four men in one photo?

@Bossyator 🤣🤣

@sammydanielo Sina ata account na hao washenzi.

Never entered this building. Has anyone amongst you ever been inside it?

@WehliyeMohamed Hakuna namna ingine.

@georgediano Was there a critical need to mention MERONI?

Mtu anaimba Tutam huku alafu anaku add kwa WhatsApp group kuchangia Babake hospital bill. Buana this affordable bloggers are something else. Anyway SHA is working & next time don't add me kwa hiyo group ya matakataka, you know yourself. Nimekuwekea mia though nunulia yeye meroni.

@ahmednasirlaw Kleptomaniacs!

The corrupt politician, judge or civil servants in Kenya who endlessly steal from the public coffers and accumulate wealth beyond their need don't do so because of greed, poverty, high cost of living or personal/family needs. They steal because of mental condition that induces them to steal, forces them to keep stealing and accumulate wealth beyond their needs. These individuals are mentally sick and suffer from a compulsive stealing disorder to steal and accumulate wealth without end. Just like the paedophile, the psychopath, bipolar and other mental disorders, stealing from the public by Kenyan public servants is a mental condition and not an economic issue or legal inefficiency matter. For public officers who are Muslims an intensive "Quran saar" sessions will cure them. For other Kenyans, we need to provide therapy and clinical tests to help them stop stealing even when they really don't need the money. So next time you see a high ranking politician, a judge or civil servant taking a bribe, please know that he/she is labouring under a mental condition that hasn't been correctly diagnosed.

@georgediano @kamau_muiruri Unfortunate!

While Aaron Cheruiyot is busy running his mouth attacking Uhuru Kenyatta, this is the situation in his village in Kericho County.

@Maryian96 Who told you that the house was not built by the good doctor?

The story of this doctor is kinda funny,the media reports that he visited wangari in kitengela,had food and sex then slept and never woke up,I wonder why would a lady allow an old Mzee to enter her house? Si you just book a room gosh,if you are past 40 you are not entering my house😂 no bad blood but you should have money to get a good hotel or just stay with your wife😂😂😂 ladies have normalised some terrible behaviours from this old wazees.

@kenyannerd @amenya_nelson 🤣🤣🤣

@amenya_nelson Marco Rubio aliambiwa hatutaki mambo mako

Fununu zinasema hiyo project ya Mombasa - Nairobi highway hadi Rubio alipiga simu lakini sharp boys wanatambua tu injili ya highest bidder buana sio cheapest project cost. Hapa mbele mambo inaenda kuchemkia yamuneloa saidi. Wahenga wanshangaa tamaa haijaua huyu fisi bado. Kama walala hoi letu jicho tu.

@georgediano 'Lemme tell you Maina, it was the kind of message that makes your current partner read it twice, then a third time, then stare at the ceiling and shout WANTAM!'... I have laughed loudly right now instead of concentrating on serious stuff!🤣🤣

Ayaaam telling you, as certified members of the Association of Professional Mushene Writers™, we are about to eat good this week. There is trouble in paradise. It appears Kamene Goro and her DJ husband are currently experiencing what experts call marriage with subtitles. You have to read between the lines to understand what’s really going on. Last night while walimwengu were deep asleep, snoring like faulty generators and releasing dangerous biological weapons through their Sundus, Madam Kamene logged into her socials and decided to show the mahende husband hot pepe soup. Instead of posting her usual words of affirmation, she dropped a full emotional essay dedicated to her first love,, a man currently enjoying a peaceful life in Sayuni, far away from this relationship turbulence. And not just a casual “RIP my G”, it was a full romance recap. She wrote: “Some memories never fade. You were my first love, my first everything in so many ways, and a part of my life that shaped me more than words can explain. I still think about our long phone calls that never seemed to end, the laughter we shared, the dreams we spoke about so freely, and the plans we made with so much hope. We truly believed life was opening up just for us, and somehow those moments still live so clearly in my heart.” Lemme tell you Maina, it was the kind of message that makes your current partner read it twice, then a third time, then stare at the ceiling and shout WANTAM! Tuambiane Ukweli, when someone starts waxing lyrical about their ex like Shakespeare just possessed them, just know something in the current relationship is coughing violently. Nikama Kuna mtu atatoa balloon kwa mapua. But the signs have been there. The moment Kamene did that thanksgiving reel after surviving a health scare and somehow forgot to acknowledge the DJ husband, that was not an oversight, it was a strategic omission. A man can survive many things, but being skipped in a thanks giving speech from mutumia, that one hits hadi kwa kisigino. Now rumors are flying around like Nairobi fly that Kamene has been carrying this marriage financially while DJ is out here mixing more than just music. Brother Bernard is allegedly doing world tour auditions without leaving the city. He has been engaging in horizontal engineering namna hatari, supplying high voltage electricity to yellow yellow damsels across the city. And you know once a woman starts feeling like the man of the house, respect begins to pack its bags slowly like someone relocating at night. Utaonyeshwa madharu hapana machesoo, women are not good pipoos ayaaam telling you. And now here we are,, Ex being remembered like a national holiday, current partner is eating premium DUST, and Mushene writers like me are sharpening their keyboards namna hatari. Anyway, let me not talk too much before I’m summoned for further investigations yet I still have a defamation case waiting for me huko Kibra court. But one thing is clear,, when the past starts looking brighter than the present, just know the present is seeing Marudurudu. Now you see why I usually insist on virgins only when it comes to Mareej. The bad boy got her soul... but the simp got all the stress. Chesaa! Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

@SIMPS4GANGLA @georgediano Woteva marudurudu means!...🤣🤣

@georgediano "when the past vecomes brighter than the present just know the present is seeing marudurudu"🙌🏿brathaa

@georgediano I was okay until when I read Ole Sankok....🤣🤣 @olesankok my brother you have a missed call here from the slopes of Mt. Kenya, the birth place of the Late Wahome Mutai, aka Whispers.

Maitiest Owour is very good at hyping his theatrics, he makes the cripples jump up with anticipation, on the other side, his bishops on different mics keep announcing imaginary miracles have happened. In the confusion, the crutches and walking aids of different cripples are taken away and the cripples are made to sit in chairs arranged in the podium. He makes sure that those people stay seated until he is gone, the meeting is over and the cameras are off. That is when the families later realize how they were duped in helping an actor perfect his skit for free. Viwete wanarudi mtaa wakitembea kama Ole-Sankok. The crutches are taken to their church store in Nakuru for refurbishing before being sold to other cripples in a shop owned by one of the Bishops in town. MAITIEST Owuor is a sharp boy who's in the religion forex. Chesaa!!

@OmaeOkara The fancier board on the porch is not properly aligned towards the your RHS. CHECK!

Other than insecurity why would you cover your house like this in 21st century? Hata entry porch imefunikwa bana. Lakini it’s a well done job overall.

@georgediano They are SIMBNI, ask @gladyswanga to translate it for you, my brother from Kolenya @gabrieloguda has mastered the art of good manners. He has equally trained Osama to desist from careless barking at WELO.

The week is ending without ODM mumus reminding Kenyans they are in Broad based Govt. Chesaa!!!🤣🤣🤣

@droduor @Bossyator How OLD are you? I want to see something in terms of decades.

@Bossyator I know of several houses built like that n have survived for decades. U need to open ur mind to technology and innovation. But if ur a textbook dog, no change for you

Fools trying to reinvent the wheel.

@RobertAlai @ItsMutai Wacha waheshimiwa watembele mheshimiwa mwenzao, wewe tembelea KANSOLA mwenzaka. Simbo!.

I wanted to go visit my friend Senator Osotsi in hospital. The Lind Mwananchi gang refused me access. Why are these people using the unfortunate incident to further political careers?

@HEBabuOwino BabuKwachRakido KwachPiereTindo!

We condemn the heinous act of violence against Senator Godfrey Osotsi. Hon. Osotsi is a peace-loving citizen whose only crime is defending the rights of Kenyans. We call on the relevant authorities to take decisive action against such acts of violence.

@gpdkaluma For so long I have always believed that lawyers are intelligent people, not knowing that foolish lawyers exist. The Afrikan Pope @LempaaSuyinka once said that 'The rights which are not included in the bill of rights are not excluded, like the right of being foolish'.

Who is that plum lady he was seated with, the one seen leaving the table and running away as the attackers surrounded him? Is that normal behavior?

@georgediano Kura mbili za nini?...😂

A unity of Luo & kale (nilotes) is national unity BUT WHEN COUSINS MEET, it is a tribal UNITY!!! That's why I always encourage my brothers from Murima to always carry that Tribal tag with Pride. Mtu asiwaambie Shiiet na hizo kura zao mbili za matakataka!!

@Bossyator Nyumba inavaa compound kama kiatu.

Kenyans have this weird culture, you buy a 50x100, you build a house that occupies ¾of the plot, no fall back space, no nothing. Where will your kids play mahn?