ri is a doll 🧸🎀

🍀

mom's shift got changed now my plans to jork my peanits in peace is fucking ruined im PISSED FAWWWKKK

How it feels to be extremely mentally ill but also extremely high functioning (nobody will believe you)

@Dollette_angel_ YES!!! THAT WAS ME FOR ALMOST ALL OF FEB AND HALF OF MARCH, AND THEN THE LAST FEW WEEKS OF MARCH WERE MISERABLE FOR NO REASON

@sapphirecaIs It's like that with me too. Almost the whole February I felt like I was on drugs (I wasn't) because of how overwhelmingly good the month was, but January was one big depression episode, and March started another depression episode that continues to this moment

not to continually self diagnose but could i be bipolar...? i don't have huge manic moodswings, but like for 2-3 weeks i want to kms and have no will to live and then for another 2 weeks life feels so good and happy!! then repeat It's been like this for so long 🥀

going to start a long fast again, 7-14 days or so today yaaay

@frostedwint3r tyy! it's all good to know, my brain is annoying asf i think it just wants to take my ass out atp 🥀

@sapphirecaIs its okay i just dont want u to think i am giving u a diagnosis LMFAO! im a psych student and we talk about a lot of this type of stuff. bipolar 2 is shorter manic episodes, mostly depressive presentation, less intense than bp1.

going to gaslight myself into thinking im faking all of my mental illness and im actually Very Normal

cw// sh ive been looking for this video for so long omggg i remember it was everywhere in 2020-21

@lemonpepsii yeah, that's why im definitely unsure!! I don't have the typical extreme highs so it felt weird to even say bipolar in the first place, but knowing there's more than one type is nice to know, and researching too

@sapphirecaIs depends on what u mean by good and happy, bc hypomania and mania are so much more extreme and insane than just happiness. i recommend doing some research (idk why that sounds so condescending, i mean it genuinely)

@lovenexie im scared they're gonna lock my ass up unfortunately. my uncle has been institutionalized for over 20 years, so I've been so scared they would do the same to me, even when i was like 12 and had issues cus my mom threatened me with it 😓🥀

@sapphirecaIs Yeah theres hypomania, theres two types of bipolar (to my knowledge) bipolar I is the most common known type, and bipolar II includes longer episodes (months) and hypomania as well as short mania episodes … try to find a cheap/free psychiatrist?

@abbiesdelusions it doesn't feel the same fr!! when i had really bad depression, nothing could make me happy? And I would be miserable for MONTHS, longest time was over a year. This feels so different, like there's a weird ass fog of impending doom and dread, then it "flips" to something better

@sapphirecaIs this is just depression i fear💔

@frostedwint3r i didn't even know there were different types! i was just generalizing from my basic knowledge, that's good to know honestly. I have some bipolar family and their cycles can be intense, so that's why it didn't feel totally right to me because I don't get like them thanks 🩷

@sapphirecaIs not gonna diagnose you from a singular tweet but that sounds more like bp2

disassociated my entire 8hr shift and left the store a mess cus i continually cleaned one area for the entire time and ignored the rest of the damn store

@cat_1888 ITS SO GROSS!! and not even ED wise. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here in this body

@sapphirecaIs I weirdly understand this feeling. It's like I'm stuck in this clunky alien body that I feel constantly awkward and uncomfortable existing in.

i think i could have all the money in the world and i would still feel like a disgusting, half baked human being. i feel like im trapped in this meat prison and everyone around me can tell im not a real human

@sabaistic i thought this too!! but when i tracked it for about two months, there was like no correlation. It just happens 😭😭 and mental illness runs in both sides of my family (dad is a paranoid schizophrenic, uncle is schizophrenic)

@sapphirecaIs this could also be a hormonal thing, if you’re afab try being more mindful of what phase of your cycle you’re in and how that corresponds to your mood

@stonedscones i have paranoia cus my fuckass dad has horrible paranoid schizophrenia! i feel like a fake human and everyone around me can tell that I'm not supposed to be here and they're watching me. I feel like I stole someone's skin/identity and bad things happen because of this 😓

@ch1mchim17 @sapphirecaIs heavy on the mania not being just happy. cuz most ppl with BP1 get warded during mania due to delusions, psychosis, paranoia etc. and it is NOTTTT fun

@Fallen_angell18 @ch1mchim17 oh i didn't know that was a thing cus i just drained my bank account by spending my entire yearly bonus in one weekend 🥀

@ch1mchim17 @sapphirecaIs I literally know I am bipolar but I felt personally attacked at the “excessive spending” cuz I keep emptying my bank account😭

@ch1mchim17 im a bad impulsive spender and i think im better than people and convince myself i can't die (i tell myself i can't die because im destined to kms, so nothing else can k*ll me except me) when im in these happy moods FAWK is that bad

@sapphirecaIs it could be cyclothymia?? i think that’s what it’s called. like cycling of emotions mania isn’t just feeling good and happy, it’s excessive spending, ideas of grandiosity etc

literally cutting myself yesterday and crying about how im ready to just die and now life looks so beautiful and worth living, but then in 2 weeks i will wish i was dead wtf bruh

officially chose my suicide date last week and now im feeling like this again and life is worth living