Eli

“Mommy, I will do whatever you want to do, but do you want to do it or do you have FOMO?”

“I’m getting back into the hang of this.”

“This is the best bed.” It’s a little bit soft. “Yeah, but I’m in it.”

Eli, you can get braces, or you can have a gap in your front teeth for the rest of your life. “Ooh, like Michael Strahan?”

“I’m not even a tween yet. I’m still just a kid.”

“I’m playing Nate first in fantasy football, did I tell you? And Nate’s gonna loooose.”

“Search it up.”

“Where’s original Cow?” Original Cow? “Full on Cow.”

“Can I finish this?”

“They said it was salted caramel, but it tasted like carameled salt.”

“I’m just an adult who hasn’t gotten old yet.”

“What?! No!”

“This apple doesn’t look too good. It’s all brown and spotty.” Well, it’s brand new, I just cut it for you. “Want some apple?”

“Nate’s mad at me for saying the Red Bull’s are better than NYCFC. Even though they are.”

This recipe calls for five tablespoons of sugar! How bad could it be? “They could put five tablespoons of sugar in a clam, I still wouldn’t eat it.”

America Says game show question: "It's the weekend! I'm taking my kids to the—" Eli: "Hamptons?"

“What’s a camcorder?”

“I’m still hungry.”

“I’m not tired.”

Eli, take responsibility. “Okay. Wasn’t me, though.”