schuchinski

Sad that “fewer” has completely lost the war to “less.”

It’s great on game shows when they give a poor person a wave runner.

@EllliotttB Lol

at a conference and I’m pretty sure money is unlimited now

So life now is group chats.

Everybody else's moon has a name and our moon's just called "moon."

Must have been more difficult to have lived thousands of years ago but on the plus side it was possible to have an original idea.

No idea why I receive the Steve Aoki newsletter and even less sure why I haven't unsubscribed.

I never ever want to go to anything that's followed by a q and a.

The media eats something and then we all watch it take a dump.

"If you love something set it free If it comes back it was/always will be yours If it never returns it was never yours to be" is about McRib

Nice getting drought and flood alerts at once.

I know how to solve this: I'll write my thoughts in the "comments" section.

My only abusive relationship has been with yahoo mail.

Halloween, or Reveal Who You Would Actually Like To Be Day

People treat actors like they're the ones that wrote it.

People I have the hardest time living with in this world: People who buy and display a COEXIST bumper sticker

My reaction to most commercials: Those people don't live in that house.

High concept show title: Fat Lifeguard

Sometimes I get really nervous and can't sleep at night because I cannot shake the thought that the Dumb and Dumber sequel will suck.

Writing tweets to 46 followers is like having a hidden diary only with fewer readers.