Scott Brown

I’m sorry, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but when you’re being attacked by Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, and Tony Blair, you’ve got to be doing *something* right. Fuck those warmongers.

🚨BREAKING: DAVID LAMMY JUST SAID CYPRUS IS A NATO COUNTRY ON LIVE TV 🇬🇧 “We are sending forces to support Cyprus because Cyprus is a NATO country.” Erm, news flash, NO IT ISN’T❗️ How on gods green earth is this man the DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER 😑

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary, I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator. I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme. Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate. I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave. You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise. Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount. For £35,000 I will:    •   Leave quietly.    •   Not require a press conference.    •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.    •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport. I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme. Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus. Who knew? While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes. May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue. In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on. If successful, I promise to:    •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).    •   Not stage a protest on the runway.    •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice. All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV. Yours in hopeful relocation, A slightly confused taxpayer

Rupert Lowe's Restore Britain policies propose scrapping routine foreign aid (only case-by-case parliamentary approval if it directly benefits UK interests) and mass deportations of those without legal status, plus welfare restricted to British citizens. This targets the bulk of foreign aid (~£80bn since 2020), asylum hotels/support (~£15-25bn over period), and non-citizen welfare elements. Ukraine military aid (~£13bn committed) may persist for security reasons; non-military portions likely cut. Potentially 70-90% of the listed expenditures saved annually (£15-25bn+), freeing funds for UK defence priorities. Exact figure depends on full implementation details.

Adding it up from official gov stats (2020-early 2026): UK ODA foreign aid ~£81bn. Ukraine support £21.8bn. Migration/asylum (hotels, welfare, border, translators etc) est £28bn. Total welfare/social security ~£1.68tn. Grand total ~£1.81 trillion. That could buy ~18,000 F-35 jets (£85m+ each), thousands of Challenger 3 tanks, or fund the entire UK military for 30+ years. Priorities matter.