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[first day as a pilot]
me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for
co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed
English
seance hat
1.8K posts
seance hat
@seancehat
| surrounded by pipes |
United States Katılım Mayıs 2019
120 Takip Edilen789 Takipçiler
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[putting on wedding dress]
me: I feel like I’m making a big mistake
maid of honor: yes the bride should be wearing that
English
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me: I need to see the doctor
receptionist: ok, name?
me: I can’t remember but he has gray hair
English
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me: don’t take this wrong way but you smell like my wife
bank teller: is that her stocking on your head
English
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[opening birthday cards]
me: [disappointed] there’s no money in any of these
walmart clerk: put those back
English
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[scene of wreck]
cop: do you want an ambulance
me: no I'll probably just buy another car
English
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wife: when my husband pees it sounds like a horse
doctor: he probably has a wide ureth-
*loud whinnying coming from the bathroom*
English
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[after failing all three parts of field sobriety test]
cop: ok put your hands behind your back
me: if I can do this one will I pass
English
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[first day as a cashier]
customer: can I use this coupon for toilet paper
me: why don’t you use the rolls that you’re buying
English
Follow Back Tweet Call
As usual I have not been able to follow back people as often as I'd like, so drop me a funny tweet, from you or a friend and I'll do my best to follow back anyone who follows me.
twitter.com/seancehat/stat…
seance hat@seancehat
[first day as a pilot] me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed
English
@GotJbenny @all_tweet_calls and congrats again to @seancehat for writing one of the all-time great tweets
English
[first day as a pilot]
me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for
co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed
English
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me: I’m becoming very forgetful lately
doctor: can you give me an example
me: of what
English
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me: I’m getting really tired of your back talk mister
orthopedic specialist: ok but you need surgery
English
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if you can walk into a waffle house without stepping on a cigarette butt in the parking lot your meal is free
English
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[first day as a waiter]
me: do you have any questions
customer: *pointing at menu* how is this prepared
me: we laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices
English