Luke

@nocontextfooty Early for train. Typical german.

@PopBase Winter not far away for southern hemisphere

Spring has officially begun in the northern hemisphere.

Robert Pattinson on presenting at the Oscars: “Everything was fine and then Zendaya said to me just before we went on stage: ‘The vein in your forehead is really, really popping out right now’ and I was like ‘Wha-?’ and they’re like ‘And go!’”

Parents telling you it's dinner time when you're in the next room

Margot Robbie when Jacob Elordi becomes 007 and can't do love scenes in her movies anymore.

Today is International Day of Happiness.

@ShitpostRock2 Millenial?

Why do so many Millenials have a self humiliation fetish especially online?

@PolitlcsUK Brits seeing this

🚨 NEW: The UK is the 29th happiest country in the world out of 147 countries

@JoePostingg Your mate helping you pick up order

If you get deep enough into TikTok your feed becomes mostly Chinese commodity wholesalers

@ChrisJBakke when you need to take a dump

You will live in the AI slop apartment. Your clothes washer will be under your kitchen sink. You have no dryer. There's wood paneling on the walls for some reason. You will smile at the candle that is burning 4 inches away from your 24 foot tall curtains. You pay $20,000/mo and can't access the stairs up to your shitty loft bedroom. There is no bathroom. You will be happy.

@acdmma_ John Fury pre-fight/fight/post-fight

🚨😳 John Fury says that his relationship with his son Tyson Fury is “DESTROYED” and says he doesn’t need him anymore: ▫️ “My relationship with Tyson is destroyed… boxing destroyed it completely.” - John Fury says they’re completely estranged ▫️ Claims he’s never taken a penny: “I’ve never taken £10 off him. I don’t want Tyson’s money” ▫️ Still takes credit: “Don’t forget who built his story. Me, his father.” ▫️ Gets emotional mid-interview: “I was 30 seconds away from asking for a break. I haven’t really expressed these emotions before” ▫️ BRUTAL take on Tyson’s career: “I think he’s past his best… people are building him up like he’s invincible. He’s not and hasn’t been for a while.” ▫️ Says the Deontay Wilder trilogy “finished him” — “He’s not got a leg underneath him” ▫️ Warns Arslanbek Makhmudov is a real threat: “His legs aren’t there anymore. Makhmudov is a problem for Tyson. I’ll be the first one to say it.” ▫️ Regrets Oleksandr Usyk fight: “I begged him not to take it, he was worn out. His Excellency was going to give us a $13 million dollar fine for pulling out, I said ‘take it’” ▫️ Slams Tyson’s team, especially Sugar Hill Steward: “He’s no Emanuel Steward, just a gym sweeper living off his Grandpa’s name.” ▫️ Makes chilling claim: “With them in his corner… he could end up dead or with brain damage” ▫️ Despite saying “I don’t need him,” it’s clear the fallout is deeply emotional and unresolved ▫️ “If you can’t show your father respect when it matters, fine. I don’t need you.” via @playbookboxing

@awkwardgoogle Dad wandering around after dragging you to the airport 8 hours early

He Walks Backward So Perfectly, the World Looks Reversed 🤯

@TouchlineX @WeAreTheOverlap the non-stop sound of vuvuzelas

🚨🗣️ 𝗡𝗘𝗪: Wayne Rooney: "You are not getting a WORSE World Cup than South Africa in 2010. That tournament NEVER felt like a World Cup." — @WeAreTheOverlap

@TouchlineX @WeAreTheOverlap 2 days after milking the engagement: "our comments have been interpreted in the wrong context"

🚨 𝗡𝗘𝗪: — @WeAreTheOverlap are discussing Premier League players better than Neymar. 🚨🗣️ Roy Keane: "Rooney is better, Ronaldo is better, Henry is better." 🚨🗣️ Neville: "Mo Salah." 🚨🗣️ Ian Wright: "Mo Salah is not better than Neymar." 🚨🗣️ Rooney: "I have never seen Neymar as a top player." 🚨🗣️ Jill Scott: "Sadio Mané is better."

@Dexerto 'helped her cheat in a tournament by playing for her instead' tournament organisers:

A female esports player and her boyfriend who helped her cheat in a tournament by playing for her instead have been sentenced to 6 months in prison Thai courts said their actions harmed both the integrity of esports and the country’s reputation

@historyinmemes Them pretending to not know where someone is when it doesn't suit them

This was CIA surveillance 14 years ago—just imagine what it’s like now in 2026.

@sciencegirl Some 4 ft 11 woman on tinder:

There is a cow in Australia -a giant Holstein‑Friesian steer standing about 6 ft 4 in tall and weighing around 1.4 tonnes.

@Zikstar4me The Walking Dead 😂 youtu.be/bOf5LqKpsbg?si…

@secondhandfart Where is this from lol?

Jon Bernthal has apologized for being a nap hater “I’m really sorry about that ... honestly, that got away from me ... I got nothing against you if you nap ... I feel like you probably do have something better to do than nap, but I’m sorry" 😂 (via @firstwefeast)

Research shows that the people who stress you out at work or at home, might be speeding up your biological aging more than you realize.

@pubity Translation: go out and work more so you can afford our phones 😭

Apple CEO Tim Cook has urged people to use smartphones less. "I don’t want people looking at the smartphone more than they’re looking in someone’s eyes, as if they’re scrolling endlessly. This is not how you want to spend your day. Go out and spend it in nature."