Sofia Limantara

That hilarious moment where you invite people to your house, then suddenly regretted it, but have no way to turn it back down.

#tsukiadventure @HyperBeard hyperbeard.com/game/tsuki/ins…

Just when I had already stopped hoping for a "happy birthday" and wished to pass the day secretly, silently and peacefully, suddenly those birthday wishes came pouring in. And since I didn't hope for it, I can feel genuinely happy receiving it.

@tanyaPAJAK tanya donk. Kalau misalnya ada PT real estate, yg kena pajak final, terus pendapatannya mesti dihitung bunga (krn byr kas keras di depan), bunganya itu kena final atau non final?

Look here. Why is it that during the days I missed you the most, when I'm seriusly thinking to clean up our chats for the umpteenth time, is precisely the day your face shows up in my chat logs, asking work related stuffs. Nothing personal, but it really drive me mad at myself.

When the only thing you know you can do is grit your teeth and keep running. And not telling this to anybody, since you know they'll only see you as a whiny person; keep standing up strong by yourself by silently praying for His invisible strength, love, wisdom & peace of mind.

That moment when you understand that all you ever want is not an apology, but the understanding to just leave you alone to sort things out. Because saying sorry after things has been done, don't really change what has already happened, with all its effects & consequences.

When you want to say, "I feel like dying" but then remembered how spoiled and a crybaby you are to say that kind of things, and that as an adult, you're supposed to toughen up.

When you pretty much want to say, "I feel like dying", but then realized that saying it would only break your spirit. Your senses snapped back, telling you, "This kind of thing is not enough to make you die, silly! Don't be such a whiner!"

Around this time, next year, where will I be? Will I still be here where I am? Or am I going to be in some other country, living a new life, learning within the unknown waters? God, if it's according to your will for my good, please keep this crazy expat dream of mine alive.

Oh God, I think I'm still struggling. Struggling to understand and live on the understanding that all of my life is my own responsibility, and should be done not to obtain any respect or approval from anybody.

So, should I ignore you as well? If I ask you to sent me back the book I lent you, are you going to just send it using courier & refuse to meet me? Should I stop my heart from getting hurt over & over? Maybe I'll just accept that your last promise to meet up is just an empty one.

Ave atque vale, till we meet again. May time proves whether you really are someone worth my time and loyalty, or are just another person taking advantage of my personality. As you have tested me, now is my turn to test you. And not many have passed, if none at all.

My life is full of professional relationship. It is always a classmate, a colleague, a fellow worker. Never a friend. I'm done chasing people. I don't like shallow talks either, but I always felt like the odd one out, never really fit in. Always watching other people's back.

And here I thought I've moved on. But everytime I see his face and his name, this surge of emotions surfaced and tears well up, a bit of anger and a lot of sadness. Why is it so hard not to cry over such trivial, unimportant things like this? He's just a coworker, nothing more.

I'm feel sick people asking me something that I don't even know the answer to. Look, even I feel like dying to know the answer, and yet I can't ask him, since it annoys him! So please, could you all be kind to me, stop asking and mind your own business?

Sometimes I do wonder, why should we fill up our heads continuously with something that we're not going to apply somewhere in the near future? Call me a sarcastic, but this is hard to understand. E.g. learning how to date when you're not even interested to date anyone?

Here I am. Crying by myself, gritting my teeth so hard several times. And yet, I need to act tough and normal in front of the very person that made me cry. Sending someone off with a smile is hard. And here I am, doing it for a second time. God, please lend me your strength.

I'm starting to feel it again. This uneasy feeling. The same thing I felt when I was an associate in KPMG, and when I was a junior in my 1st tenure in Crowe. Why? Is it a signal that some major changes is underway, threatening the stability that I'm used to?

My mind's been playing the guessing game inside my head. What is he going to talk to our boss? Work discussion? A resignation? A long unpaid leave? Getting married? Naahh, the latter two is kinda unlikely. The 1st one can be done via chat or phone. But that leaves.. Arrrggghhh...