Shaylee Simeone

My son runs from me and scream cries when I brush his hair so the other day my daughter sat perfectly still and made eye contact with him while I brushed her hair and calmly said “this is how girls do it.” Icon.

I didn’t relate with Lady Gaga as much in her meat suit era but I definitely relate to her in her salsa dancing mom vibes era.

In 2nd grade I faked my eye exam, got reading glasses, and wore them 24-7 even though I literally couldn’t see 5 feet in front of me all because a girl with glasses told me I couldn’t be one of the Spice Girls with them at recess. This is the 90s.

For international women’s day I would love to encourage all grown women to simply pee inside of the toilet in public restrooms! And if they cannot, to simply clean up after themselves! Women helping women! HEAR, HEAR! ✊🏼

Every time I make my therapist laugh I feel like I’m getting an A+ in therapy so I think that’s why I need more therapy.

Them: how’s homeschooling going? Me: we begin with Phil Collins Music Theory 101… #philcollins #tarzan #disney #homeschool #MomLife

Few things bring out my feral animal instinct like protecting my children. That and eating a rotisserie chicken.

everyone can calm down now I’m back on twitter. wait x. wait where am I